
Riad – Portofolio # 2
June 11, 2009Last October my wife and I went in Paris. One sunday morning we scheduled a visit to the Middle Age museum in Saint-Germain du Pre. There we spent two hours enjoying the paintings, ceramics and, of course, the interesting History of that age. When we left the place, it was rainning cats and dogs and we had no umbrellas nor raincoats. However, there was a church in front of the museum and we looked for a shelter there. When we walked into the church, we faced a huge Gothic Nave, envolved in the shade, with only a bright light coming from the altar. The air smelled of incence as magnificent music, actually, Gregorian chorus sound would echo from the balcony. Throughout the stained glass window we were able too see and hear the storm outside. That atmosphere and music touched our hearts and, humbly we set and listened to it for about one hour. We were touched to the quick. Personally I forgot the Inquisition, the religious wars, the crimes and the corruption in the Scolastic History and for a moment I wondered that religion might be true and I was wrong with my atheist conviction; however when we left the church I realized that religions, all of them, need a lot of tricks to handle and to keep their “sheeps”.
Last October(,) my wife and I went in Paris. One (S)unday morning(,) we scheduled a visit to the Middle Age museum in Saint-Germain du Pre. There(,) we spent two hours enjoying the paintings, ceramics and, of course, the interesting history of that age. When we left the place, it was rainning cats and dogs and we had no umbrellas nor raincoats. However, there was a church in front of the museum and we looked for shelter there. When we walked into the church, we faced a huge Gothic Nave, envolved in the shade, with only a bright light coming from the altar. The air smelled of incence as magnificent music, actually, Gregorian chorus sound would echo from the balcony. Throughout the stained glass window(,) we were able too see and hear the storm outside. That atmosphere and music touched our hearts and, humbly we set and listened to it for about one hour. We were touched. Personally(,) I forgot the Inquisition, the religious wars, the crimes and the corruption in the Sc(H)olastic History(,) and for a moment(,) I wondered religion (to) be true and I (to be) wrong with my atheist convictions.
Riad,
I have deleted the end of your paper because it is opening up an argumentative tone that does not belong in such a beautiful descriptive narrative.
Rick
Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 4 / 5
Total: 24 /25