Fernanda – #2
June 8, 2009Our life is completely influenced by our birth order. This is the principal factor that determines how we will manage our parents, our children and our family. In a small family, being a only child is a challenge, because in the moment that you is a child you get all the attentions of your parents, and have all your desires assisted promptly, what could became you in a spoiled and sometimes selfish kid, instead of that, when you became an adult you will be the only person who is able to take care of your parents, and take all decisions alone, what not happen when you have siblings. Maria, a friend of mine who is an only child is recovering now from her father death and doesn’t have anyone, besides her mother, to share her feelings and think about how deal with your mother now, who was very dependent of her father.
As a consequence of that, being born an only child could determine how your life will be.
Our life is completely influenced by our birth order. This is the principal factor that determines how we will manage our parents, our children and our family. In a small family, being a(n) only child is a challenge, because (as a) child(,) you (avoid the use of second person at all cost!) get all the (parental) attention, and have all your desires assisted promptly, (which) could (make) you a spoiled and sometimes selfish kid. When you became an adult(,) you will be the only person who is able to take care of your parents and (make) all (the) decisions alone, (which does) not happen when you have siblings. (For instance,) Maria, a friend of mine who is an only child(,) is recovering now from her father(’s) death and doesn’t have anyone, besides her mother, to share her feelings (with) and (has been) think(ing now) about how (to) deal with your (my?) mother now, who was very dependent (on) her father. As a consequence of that, being born an only child could determine how your life will be.
Fernanda,
Structurally speaking, this paper is very solid. However, I feel as if you have not connected much with the topic of the paper, so my suggestion is for you to learn from the mistakes you have made and abandon the paper for a while. I think you should be focusing on another paper to be turned in as part of your portofolio.
Rick