Ana #1- Portfolio
June 6, 2009Some unaware person can depict Lisa as a normal looking woman. In my personal view of her, her pale face floods mystery and sensuality which brings me frenzied thrill down my spine. Her prominent cheek bones and small delicate mouth add up to her sparkly light brown close-set eyes, making her expression ambiguous and staggering. Her thin, curly, brown, hair portrays her to be somewhat fragile. I just stared at her for some minutes, amazed at her incomprehensible appearance. As time goes by, I experience the sensation that her oval face matches in unisson with her sharp nose and also every little inch of Lisa’s face. Not too long afterwards, and I get upset with my incapacity of unveiling her feelings throughout that astounding physiognomy. Then, so fast and unexpectedly, she disappears in the haze.
(A person, unaware,) can depict Lisa as a normal looking woman. (However,) (In my personal view of her — You should not write “in my personal point of view, because this is your paper, so it IS already your personal point of view. In English, this expression is rudundant in writing.)
Her pale face floods mystery and sensuality(,) which brings me (a) frenzied thrill down my spine. Her prominent cheek bones and small delicate mouth add up to her sparkly light brown close-set eyes, making her expression ambiguous and staggering. Her thin, curly, brown hair portrays her to be somewhat fragile. I just stared at her for some minutes, amazed at her incomprehensible appearance. As time goes by, I experience the sensation that her oval face matches in unisson her sharp nose and every little inch of Lisa’s face.
Not too long afterwards, and I get upset with my incapacity of unveiling her feelings throughout that astounding physiognomy. Then, so fast and unexpectedly, she disappears in the haze.
Excellent paper
Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 4.5 / 5
Your beginning was very Latin, but its pace got excellent towards the end.
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERY good!
Grammar: 5 / 5
Very solid.
Mechanics: 4.5 / 5 (Be careful with the use of commas.)
Total: 24 /25
OK. You are right. You deserve the 0.5 point.
Your final grade is 24.5/25
Some person, unaware, can depict Lisa as a normal looking woman. However, her pale face floods mystery and sensuality, which brings me a frenzied thrill down my spine. Her prominent cheek bones and small delicate mouth add up to her sparkly light brown close-set eyes, make her expression ambiguous and staggering. Her thin, curly, brown, hair portrays her to be somewhat fragile. I just stared at her for some minutes, amazed at her incomprehensible appearance. As time goes by, I experience the sensation that her oval face matches in unison with her sharp nose and also every little inch of Lisa’s face. Not too long afterward, and I get upset with my incapacity of unveiling her feelings throughout that astounding physiognomy. Then, so fast and unexpectedly, she disappears in the haze.