
portfolio number 1 riad
June 4, 2009The D-day how that event has changed the world the date is june 1944,the second world war was ending up,the nazi empire was severely bleeding in the front as if in the inner country where the cities suffered deeply with the air bombing;the soviets beared all the strengh of the german army until that moment and had pleaded for a second front in the west.In England ,americans,the enghish,the french and the commonwealh troops were waiting to invade the European continent throughout the Enghish canal;one cloudy day,the General Commander gave the order;,ships ,airplanes,troops took over the mission and after a terrible journey across the canal,they invaded the Normandy beaches. The nazi were ready for that moment ; at the beginning, the allied lost several men and equipment undertaken all the invasion,the bloody fight seemed to hang to the defenders,however, with the suport of the air force and the ships bombing the enemies without no rest,the face of victory turned over to the allied; they stablished a strong shelter on the beach and day after day they conquered more and more positions in the ground allowing their background to increase more and more equipment like fuel,tanks ,supplies and brand new troops to the beach. After that the allied beat the germans in all France,opening the way to Paris and to the final victory. Nowadays according the experts if the allied had failed in that big event it would have a disaster in the all campaign with the probable victory of the nazi-fascism and the democracy as we know as an ideal government would be challenged until now by the worse and evil political regime the world has ever seen.
The D-day (is an) event (that) has changed the world. (In) (J)une 1944, the second world war (ended) (as the)(N)azi empire was severely bleeding in the front. (I)n the (countryside,) cities suffered deeply with the air bombing(s,) the soviets (bearing) all the strengh of the (G)erman army until that moment(, pleasing) for a second front in the west.
In England ,Americans, the English, the (F)rench and the commonwealth troops were waiting to invade the European continent throughout the Enghish canal. One cloudy day, the General Commander gave the order: ships, airplanes, (and) troops took over the mission and after a terrible journey across the canal, they invaded the Normandy beaches. The (N)azi were ready for that moment (Careful because you are TELLING more than SHOWING in this last sentence.)
(A)t the beginning, the allied lost several men and equipment undertaken all the invasion(.) (T)he bloody fight seemed to hang to the defenders(What do you mean by hang to the defenders?) However, with the sup(p)ort of the air force and the ships bombing the enemies without (any) rest, the face of victory turned over to the allied (as) they stablished a strong(er) shelter on the beach(,) and day after day (,) conquered more and more positions (on) the ground(,) allowing their background to increase more and more equipment like fuel, tanks, supplies and brand new troops to the beach. After that,(that what?) the allied beat the (G)ermans in France, opening the way to Paris and to the final victory. Nowadays(,) according experts(,) if the allied had failed in that big event(,) it would have (been) a disaster in the all campaign with the probable victory of the nazi-fascism and democracy as we know (today) as an ideal government(,) would (have been) challenged until now by the worse and evil political regime the world has ever seen.
Excellent account on the end of WWII
Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 3 / 5
Riad,
You MUST revise the use of commas and capitalization of words!!!
Rick
Total: 23 /25