Karla#6 — Unforgettable moments
May 28, 2009My experience in couple life plies a lot of soothing moments therefore I really desire people would build up confidance living together with someone. At the first time I had met my husband Antonio Carlos,was a great joy to me also I can look back feeling the catchy emotions.At the age of 14, I studied with Katia, a close friend who dated with Marcos, Antonio Carlos´s friend . One day,Katia invited me to go to a party we all together and I said ok! Actuallly,I remember my green dress and his fashion blue t-shirt. Due to my bashful personality I pinned myself down most of the time at the party and I couldn´t even talk with buddy nearly all night. Despite my apprehensive situation, I just relaxed when I got home. Nothing happened between us I was such a fool losing an opportunity to talk with a handsom,well-built guy. On the next day, I woke up worried about a possibility he would never want see me again. Fortunately, moments came up matching enchantment , at the same day Antonio Carlos dropped in my place, as I had a strict parent Mom and Dad appalled at this fact,on the contrary I was willing to his guts. Mom invited him to come in, we started to talk at my living room along with an outsized lamp glowing on our face the whole shooting time. I turned off the light by leaps and bounds outside of mom came back for our sadness turning on the light inquiring about the reason I turned off it. You bet,she got myself into hot water, I stormed out of the room and shamed Antonio Carlos went back home.Two days took up the running, he called me to go to the movie,in fact my parents never let me out alone with a boy because of this I said to them I would gather a pal Andrea besides her sibling and I would be back until 10 PM further I must confirm we went alone without no pal neither any sibling.It was amazing ,I felt outstanding watching “Passanger 59″ with a guy 5 years older than me , Iwas really jubilant that I snatched away my apprehend to go back home at any rate Mom would be waiting for me in front of my place to have no doubt about what I said her. The film finished too late ,Antonio Carlos brought me home around 11PM, my parents were incensed and they mumbled clutching that I was wrong. Since that day I had never met him again. After exactly 10 years following I ´d met Katia married with Marcos, she got pregnant when she was 17,her family forced her to get married. I´d just arrived from USA dancing in a ballet company,long time without meet each other, so that we related portrait about ourselves. Point in time, I asked her about Antonio Carlos,where he had been if he got married and so forth. Katia told me he also arrived from USA doing MBA at Philadephia also to cause me astonishment Antonio Carlos remembered our young affair careful. When my friend Katia said him that I came from USA at the time he asked my phone number and one night he called planing to go out we four together,two couples as we did in the past.I had no hope to stay with him cause I had to return to stick with the ballet company however I had some family´s teaser so I had decided to stay in Brazil to pitch in my parents.
Since that , we got involved with each other, in addition we got married and together built a gorgeous family with two fantastic boys. On May 2009, we celebrate 15 years together. Gos bless us!!
Karla,
What a beautiful story
I have lots to say about it, but I won’t have time to do it right now before our class meeting. The only suggestion up to this point is for you to cut on some of the details and focus more on others. I will give you a more thourough feedback this weekend.
See you in class,
Rick
At the first time I had met my husband Antonio Carlos,was a great joy to me also I can look back feeling the catchy emotions.At the age of 14, I studied with a close friend who dated with Antonio Carlos´s friend . One day,we all went together to a party. Actuallly,I remember my green dress and his fashion blue t-shirt. Due to my bashful personality I pinned myself down,so that I couldn´t even talk with buddy nearly all night. Despite my apprehensive situation, I just relaxed when I got home. Nothing happened between us I was such a fool losing an opportunity to talk with a handsom,well-built guy. On the next day, I woke up worried about a possibility he would never wants to see me again. Fortunately, moments came up matching enchantment, Antonio Carlos dropped in my place on the next day, as I had a strict parent Mom and Dad appalled at this fact,on the contrary I was willing to his guts. Mom invited him to come in, we started to talk at my living room along with an outsized lamp glowing on our face the whole shooting time. I turned off the light by leaps and bounds outside of Mom came back for our sadness turning on the light inquiring about the reason I turned off it. You bet,she got myself into hot water, I stormed out of the room and shamed Antonio Carlos went back home.(Two days took up the running, he called me to go to the movie,in fact my parents never let me out alone with a boy because of this I said to them I would gather a pal promising I would be back until 10 PM further I must say we went alone.It was amazing ,I felt outstanding watching “Passanger 59″ with a guy 5 years older than me besides I snatched away my apprehend to go back home. At any rate Mom would be waiting for me in front of my place. The film finished too late,Antonio Carlos brought me home around 11PM, my parents were incensed and they mumbled clutching that I was wrong. Since that day I had never met him again. After exactly 10 years following, I´d just arrived from USA dancing in a ballet company,long time out of the country. Point in time, I asked her about Antonio Carlos,where he had been if he got married and so forth. Katia told me he also arrived from USA doing MBA at Philadephia also to cause me astonishment Antonio Carlos remembered our young affair careful. When my friend Katia said him that I came from USA at the time he asked my phone number and one night he called planing to go out we four together,two couples as we did in the past.I had no hope to stay with him cause I had to return to stick with the ballet company however I had some family´s teaser so I had decided to stay in Brazil to pitch in my parents.
Since that , we got involved with each other, in addition we got married and together built a gorgeous family with two fantastic boys. On May 2009, we celebrate 15 years together. Gos bless us!!Nowadays some people are biased towards marriage due to the idea of giving credence to fail in cohabitation.My experience in couple life plies a lot of soothing moments therefore I really desire people would build up confidance living together with someone.
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My experience in couple life plies a lot of soothing moments therefore I really desire people would build up confidance living together with someone. (Karla, maybe the idea of this paragraph should be reserved for the end of your paper since it touches on the reasons why you are writing it.)
At the first time I had met my husband Antonio Carlos,was a great joy to me also I can look back feeling the catchy emotions. (Karla, this introduction sounds very Latin. Brazilian writers tend to start their papers like this. Brazilians start their papers TELLING the reader about how they feel about the story instead of actually SHOWING the story itself. I will write you your introduction as a way for you to see how Americans would probably start this paper.)
I met my husband, Antonio Carlos, through a friend of mine, Kátia, at the age of 14, at a party she had invited me to go. Antonio Carlos was Marcos’s best friend, who at that time was Kátia’s boyfriend.
I still remember myself, hiding in my satin green dress, my bashful smile unable to stare deeply into Antonio Carlos’s eyes. From time to time, I would catch a glimpse of his fashionable navy blue T-shirt, with the words MARINE SAILING embroiled on it. I could not utter a sound that night so apprehensive I was. I just relaxed when I reached home, missing out on the opportunity to chat with such a handsome, well-built guy who reminded me of Tom Selleck in Magnum PI at the time.
(Karla, as you can see, I am inserting more details that are not true at all about Antonio Carlos, just to show you the level of details Americans are satisfied with in writing.) I expect you to revise the rest of this paper doing what I am doing to your paragraphs.
Have a great weekend,
Rick
I met my husband, Antonio Carlos, through a friend of mine, Kátia, at the age of 14, at a party she had invited me to go. Antonio Carlos was Marcos’s best friend, who at that time was Kátia’s boyfriend.
I still remember myself, hiding in my satin green dress, my bashful smile unable to stare deeply into Antonio Carlos’s eyes. From time to time, I would catch a glimpse of his fashionable navy blue T-shirt, with the words MARINE SAILING embroiled on it. I could not utter a sound that night so apprehensive I was. I just relaxed when I reached home, missing out on the opportunity to chat with such a handsome, well-built guy who reminded me of Tom Selleck in Magnum PI at the time. I woke up next morning, worried about the possibility he would never want to see me again. Fortunately, moments came up matching enchantment, Antonio Carlos dropped in my place later,I was willing to his guts as I had a strict parent, Mom and Dad appalled at this fact. We had started to talk at my living room along with an outsized lamp glowing on our face the whole shooting time.Trying to get over this situation, I turned off the light by leaps and bounds hopefulness Mom wouldn´t come back.Bursted on for our sadness she turned on the light inquiring about the reason I hadn´t held on to. You bet,she got myself into hot water, I stormed out of the room and shamed Antonio Carlos went back home.
Two days took up the running, he invited me to go to the movie,in fact my parents never let me go out alone with a boy because of this I said to them I would gather a pal promising I would be back until 10 PM. The film finished too late,Antonio Carlos brought me home around 11PM, my parents were incensed and banned me to go out at evening then I had no other chance to meet him again.
After exactly 10 years following, I´d just arrived from USA dancing in a ballet company,long time out of the country. Point in time, my friend Katia told me Antonio Carlos had also arrived from USA doing MBA at Philadephia and so forth.As a magic glimpse she swayed me that we all four had realized to see each other beyond that time. In fact,I had no hope to date him cause I had to stick with the ballet company returning to USA. However, I had awful family´s teaser consequently I had decided to stay in Brazil to pitch in my parents.
Since that time , we got involved not missing out on old flames. In addition, we got married, built a gorgeous family with two fantastic boys. On May 2009, we celebrated 15 years together!Nowadays some people are biased towards marriage due to the idea of giving credence to fail in cohabitation.My experience in couple life plies a lot of soothing moments, honestly I really desire people would build up confidance living together with someone.
My experience in couple life plies a lot of soothing moments therefore I really desire people would build up confidance living together with someone. (Karla, maybe the idea of this paragraph should be reserved for the end of your paper since it touches on the reasons why you are writing it.)
I met my husband, Antonio Carlos, through a friend of mine, Kátia, at the age of 14, at a party she had invited me to go. Antonio Carlos was Marcos’s best friend, who at that time(,) was Kátia’s boyfriend. I still remember myself, hiding in my satin green dress, my bashful smile unable to stare deeply into Antonio Carlos’s eyes. From time to time, I would catch a glimpse of his fashionable navy blue T-shirt, with the words MARINE SAILING embroiled on it. I could not utter a sound that night so apprehensive I was. I just relaxed, when I reached home, missing out on the opportunity to chat with such a handsome, well-built guy who reminded me of Tom Selleck in Magnum PI at the time.
I woke up next morning, worried about the possibility he would never want to see me again. Fortunately, (like) moments (of) matching enchantment, Antonio Carlos dropped in my place later. I was willing to his guts as I had a strict parent (What do you mean?). Mom and Dad (were) appalled at (his visit). We had started to talk (in)my living room (under) an (over)sized lamp glowing on our face the whole time. Trying to get over this (awkward) situation, I turned off the light (surreptitiously, hopeful that) my mother wouldn´t come back. For our sadness, she turned on the light(s) inquiring the reason I hadn´t held on to (hold on to what?). You bet (Karla, you bet is a very informal word. Although it is a correct expression, you should avoid using it in formal writings like this one.) (I had gotten) myself into hot water. I stormed out of the room, (while ashamed,) Antonio Carlos went back home.
Two days (later), he invited me to go to the movie(s). In fact(,) my parents (had) never let me go out alone with a boy. (B)ecause of (such novelty,)I said to them I would (be calling a) pal, promising (them) I would be back (before) 10 PM. The film finished too late, (and) Antonio Carlos brought me home around 11PM. (M)y parents were incensed and banned me (from going) out (in the) evening. Then, (again,) I had no other chance to meet him (for a third time).(What did you and he did after that then?)
After exactly 10 years (from our last date), I´d just arrived from USA (from) dancing in a ballet company a long time out of the country. (At that) point in time, my friend Katia told me Antonio Carlos had also arrived from (the) USA (from) doing (his) MBA (in) Philadephia. As a magic(al) glimpse, she swayed me (to go out) all four (of us since we hadn’t seen each other for such a long time).
(As a matter of) fact,I had no hope(s of dating) him (be)cause I had to stick with the ballet company and return to (the) USA. However, I had (an)awful family´s teaser (What do you mean?); consequently(,) I decided to stay in Brazil to pitch in (what do you mean?) my parents. Since that time, we (started to get) involved(,) not missing out on (the) old flames. We got married (and have) built a gorgeous family with two fantastic boys. On May 2009, we celebrated 15 years together.
Karla,
It is better if your paper finishes here. Otherwise, you would be getting another aspect of your writing, which would be considered, argumentative more than a narrative.
Rick.
PS: Karla, this paper is quite long and has a lot of potential. It is actually double the size of what a portofolio paper should look like. If you so wish, you can work on this paper to be submitted as a portofolio paper and it will count double the grade (50 points).
Rick
I met my husband, Antonio Carlos, through a friend of mine, Kátia, at the age of 14, at a party she had invited me to go. Antonio Carlos was Marcos’s best friend, who at that time, was Kátia’s boyfriend. I still remember myself, hiding in my satin green dress, my bashful smile unable to stare deeply into Antonio Carlos’s eyes. From time to time, I would catch a glimpse of his fashionable navy blue T-shirt, with the words MARINE SAILING embroiled on it. I could not utter a sound that night so apprehensive I was. I just relaxed, when I reached home, missing out on the opportunity to chat with such a handsome, well-built guy who reminded me of Tom Selleck in Magnum PI at the time.
I woke up next morning, worried about the possibility he would never want to see me again. Fortunately, like moments of matching enchantment, Antonio Carlos dropped in my place later. I was willing to his guts as my parents had been so firm never permiting any boy came round. Mom and Dad were appalled at his visit. We had started to talk in my living room under an over sized lamp glowing on our face the whole time. Trying to get over this awkward situation, I turned off the light surreptitiously, hopeful that my mother wouldn´t come back. For our sadness, she turned on the lights inquiring the reason I hadn´t held on the way that she left the luminous living room. I had gotten myself into hot water. I stormed out of the room, while ashamed, Antonio Carlos went back home.
Two days later, he invited me to go to the movies. In fact, my parents had never let me go out alone with a boy. Because of such novelty, I said to them I would be calling a pal, promising them I would be back before 10 PM. The film finished too late, and Antonio Carlos brought me home around 11PM. My parents were incensed and banned me from going out in the evening. Then, again, I had no other chance to meet him for a third time. Further as I finished my studies I had a wish to become a professional dancer, so that I had a tough discipline life with no party, no food, no friends, almost no life, merely I had my dance career and Antonio Carlos gradueted at Civil Engineer University.
After exactly 10 years from our last date, I´d just arrived from USA from dancing in a ballet company a long time out of the country. At that point in time, my friend Katia told me Antonio Carlos had also arrived from the USA from doing his MBA in Philadephia. As a magical glimpse, she swayed me to go out all four of us since we hadn’t seen each other for such a long time.
As a matter of fact,I had no hopes of dating him because I had to stick with the ballet company and return to the USA. However, I had an awful family´s healthy problem; consequently, I decided to stay in Brazil to help my parents. Since that time, we started to get involved, not missing out on the old flames. We got married and have built a gorgeous family with two fantastic boys. On May 2009, we celebrated 15 years together.
I met my husband, Antonio Carlos, through a friend of mine, Kátia, at the age of 14, at a party she had invited me to go. Antonio Carlos was Marcos’s best friend, who at that time, was Kátia’s boyfriend. I still remember myself, hiding in my satin green dress, my bashful smile unable to stare deeply into Antonio Carlos’s eyes.
From time to time, I would catch a glimpse of his fashionable navy blue T-shirt, with the words MARINE SAILING embroiled on it. I could not utter a sound that night so apprehensive I was. I just relaxed when I reached home, (for having missed) out on the opportunity to chat with such a handsome, well-built guy who reminded me of Tom Selleck in Magnum PI at the time.
I woke up next morning, worried about the possibility he would never want to see me again. Fortunately, like moments of matching enchantment, Antonio Carlos dropped in (at) my place later (on). I was willing to his guts as my parents (Karla, I still do not really know what you are trying to say here) had been so firm (about) never (allowing) any boy (to come) round (me).
Mom and Dad were appalled at his visit. We had started to talk in my living room under an over sized lamp, glowing on our face the whole time. Trying to get over this awkward situation, I turned off the light surreptitiously, hopeful that my mother wouldn´t come back. For our sadness, she turned on the lights, inquiring the reason I hadn´t held on the way that she left the luminous living room (Again, Karla, I am not quite sure of you are trying to say in this last sentence). I had gotten myself into hot water. I stormed out of the room, while Antonio Carlos went back home ashamed.
Two days later, he invited me to go to the movies. In fact, my parents had never let me go out alone with a boy. Because of such novelty, I said to them I would be calling a pal, promising them I would be back before 10 PM. The film finished too late, and Antonio Carlos brought me home (at) around 11PM. My parents were incensed and banned me from going out in the evening. Then, again, I had no other chance to meet him for a third time. Further(more), as I finished my studies(,) I had (the) wish to become a professional dancer, (which required) a tough (and) discipline(d) life with no party, no food, no friends, almost no life.
merely I had my dance career and Antonio Carlos gradueted at Civil Engineer University.
(Karla, I am not so sure how this last sentence connect to the rest of your paper as far as the rhythm of the story goes. Maybe it would be a good idea to simply delete it. But the final decision is yours.)
After exactly 10 years from our last date, I´d just arrived from (the) USA from dancing in a ballet company (being) a long time out of the country. At that point in time, my friend Katia told me Antonio Carlos had also arrived from the USA from doing his MBA in Philadephia. As a magical glimpse, she swayed me to go out all four of us since we hadn’t seen each other for such a long time.
As a matter of fact,I had no hopes of dating him because I had to stick with the ballet company and return to the USA. However, I had an awful family´s health problem (Karla, again, here you are TELLING the readers you had a problem and not SHOWING the problem to them. In English, you would have to go a step further) Consequently, I decided to stay in Brazil to help my parents. (At) that time, we started to get involved, not missing out on the old flames (And did your father and mother react to you going out? Did they give you a hard time?). We got married and have built a gorgeous family with two fantastic boys. On May 2009, we celebrated 15 years together.
Karla,
This paper is almost ready to be submitted as part of the portofolio. Simply answer the comments I have made throughout the paper and it will be OK for it.
Rick
I met my husband, Antonio Carlos, through a friend of mine, Kátia, at the age of 14, at a party she had invited me to go. Antonio Carlos was Marcos’s best friend, who at that time, was Kátia’s boyfriend. I still remember myself, hiding in my satin green dress, my bashful smile unable to stare deeply into Antonio Carlos’s eyes.
From time to time, I would catch a glimpse of his fashionable navy blue T-shirt, with the words MARINE SAILING embroiled on it. I could not utter a sound that night so apprehensive I was. I just relaxed when I reached home,for having missed out on the opportunity to chat with such a handsome, well-built guy who reminded me of Tom Selleck in Magnum PI at the time.
I woke up next morning, worried about the possibility he would never want to see me again. Fortunately, like moments of matching enchantment, Antonio Carlos dropped in at my place later on but
Mom and Dad were appalled at his visit. We had started to talk in my living room under an over sized lamp, glowing on our face the whole time. Trying to get over this awkward situation, I turned off the light surreptitiously, hopeful that my mother wouldn´t come back. For our sadness, she turned on the lights, inquiring the reason I hadn´t held on talking under the over sized lamp, glowing on our face whole time, also I wasn’t threatened to talk in a dusky living room with an odd guy. I had gotten myself into hot water. I stormed out of the room, while Antonio Carlos went back home ashamed.
Two days later, he invited me to go to the movies. In fact, my parents had never let me go out alone with a boy. Because of such novelty, I said to them I would be calling a pal, promising them I would be back before 10 PM. The film finished too late, and Antonio Carlos brought me home at around 11PM. My parents were incensed and banned me from going out in the evening. Then, again, I had no other chance to meet him for a third time. Furthermore, as I finished my studies, I had the wish to become a professional dancer, which required a tough and disciplined life with no party, no food, no friends, almost no life.
After exactly 10 years from our last date, I´d just arrived from the USA from dancing in a ballet company being a long time out of the country. At that point in time, my friend Katia told me Antonio Carlos had also arrived from the USA from doing his MBA in Philadephia. As a magical glimpse, she swayed me to go out all four of us since we hadn’t seen each other for such a long time.
As a matter of fact,I had no hopes of dating him because I had to stick with the ballet company and return to the USA. However, I had an awful family´s health problem, my Dad had a lymphoma tumor in his left leg. According to the first diagnostic,he nearly underwent a surgery lacking to multilate 70% of his hip. Consequently, I decided to stay in Brazil to help my parents and followed every step trying to build up Dad’s confidance. At that time, we started to get involved, not missing out on the old flames. Dad got better,he didn’t undergo a surgery and was in a good health, I told my parents that we had dating in a blissful affair. Since they’ve been meeting Antonio Carlos at the second chance , my parents had enchanted and were fond of him. We got married and have built a gorgeous family with two fantastic boys. On May 2009, we celebrated 15 years together.
Karla,
This paper is almost ready to be submitted as part of the portofolio. Simply answer the comments I have made throughout the paper and it will be OK for it.
I met my husband, Antonio Carlos, through a friend of mine, Kátia, at the age of 14, at a party she had invited me to go. Antonio Carlos was Marcos’s best friend, who at that time, was Kátia’s boyfriend. I still remember myself, hiding in my satin green dress, my bashful smile unable to stare deeply into Antonio Carlos’s eyes.
From time to time, I would catch a glimpse of his fashionable navy blue T-shirt, with the words MARINE SAILING embroiled on it. I could not utter a sound that night so apprehensive I was. I just relaxed when I reached home,for having missed out on the opportunity to chat with such a handsome, well-built guy who reminded me of Tom Selleck in Magnum PI at the time.
I woke up next morning, worried about the possibility he would never want to see me again. Fortunately, like moments of matching enchantment, Antonio Carlos dropped in at my place later on but
Mom and Dad were appalled at his visit. We had started to talk in my living room under an over sized lamp, glowing on our face the whole time. Trying to get over this awkward situation, I turned off the light surreptitiously, hopeful that my mother wouldn´t come back. For our sadness, she turned on the lights, inquiring the reason I hadn´t held on talking under the over sized lamp, glowing on our face whole time, also I wasn’t threatened to talk in a dusky living room with an odd guy. I had gotten myself into hot water. I stormed out of the room, while Antonio Carlos went back home ashamed.
Two days later, he invited me to go to the movies. In fact, my parents had never let me go out alone with a boy. Because of such novelty, I said to them I would be calling a pal, promising them I would be back before 10 PM. The film finished too late, and Antonio Carlos brought me home at around 11PM. My parents were incensed and banned me from going out in the evening. Then, again, I had no other chance to meet him for a third time. Furthermore, as I finished my studies, I had the wish to become a professional dancer, which required a tough and disciplined life with no party, no food, no friends, almost no life.
After exactly 10 years from our last date, I´d just arrived from the USA from dancing in a ballet company being a long time out of the country. At that point in time, my friend Katia told me Antonio Carlos had also arrived from the USA from doing his MBA in Philadephia. As a magical glimpse, she swayed me to go out all four of us since we hadn’t seen each other for such a long time.
As a matter of fact,I had no hopes of dating him because I had to stick with the ballet company and return to the USA. However, I had an awful family´s health problem, my Dad had a lymphoma tumor in his left leg. According to the first diagnostic,he nearly underwent a surgery lacking to multilate 70% of his hip. Consequently, I decided to stay in Brazil to help my parents and followed every step trying to build up Dad’s confidance. At that time, we started to get involved, not missing out on the old flames. Dad got better,he didn’t undergo a surgery and was in a good health, I told my parents that we had dating in a blissful affair. Since they’ve been meeting Antonio Carlos at the second chance , my parents had enchanted and were fond of him. We got married and have built a gorgeous family with two fantastic boys. On May 2009, we celebrated 15 years together.
I met my husband, Antonio Carlos, through a friend of mine, Kátia, at the age of 14, at a party she had invited me to go. Antonio Carlos was Marcos’s best friend, who at that time, was Kátia’s boyfriend. I still remember myself, hiding in my satin green dress, my bashful smile unable to stare deeply into Antonio Carlos’s eyes.
From time to time, I would catch a glimpse of his fashionable navy blue T-shirt, with the words MARINE SAILING embroiled on it. I could not utter a sound that night so apprehensive I was. I just relaxed when I reached home,for having missed out on the opportunity to chat with such a handsome, well-built guy who reminded me of Tom Selleck in Magnum PI at the time.
I woke up (the)next morning, worried about the possibility he would never want to see me again. Fortunately, like moments of matching enchantment, Antonio Carlos dropped in at my place later on but
Mom and Dad were appalled at his visit. We had started to talk in my living room under an over sized lamp, glowing (at) our face(s) the whole time. Trying to get over this awkward situation, I turned off the light surreptitiously, hopeful that my mother wouldn´t come back. For our sadness, she turned on the lights, inquiring the reason I hadn´t (kept) on talking under the over sized lamp glowing on our face whole time. (A)lso(,) I wasn’t supposed to be talking a dusky living room with an odd guy (such as Antonio Carlos). I (knew I) had gotten myself into hot water. I stormed out of the room, while Antonio Carlos went back home ashamed.
Two days later, he invited me to go to the movies. In fact, my parents had never let me go out alone with a boy. Because of such novelty, I said to them I would be calling a pal, promising them I would be back before 10 PM. The film finished too late, and Antonio Carlos brought me home at around 11PM. My parents were incensed and banned me from going out in the evening. Then, again, I had no other chance to meet him for a third time. Furthermore, as I finished my studies, I had the wish to become a professional dancer, which required a tough and disciplined life with no party, no food, no friends, almost no life.
After exactly 10 years from our last date, I´d just arrived from the USA from dancing in a ballet company being a long time out of the country. At that point in time, my friend Katia told me Antonio Carlos had also arrived from the USA from doing his MBA in Philadephia. As a magical glimpse, she swayed me to go out all four of us since we hadn’t seen each other for such a long time.
As a matter of fact,I had no hopes of dating him because I had to stick with the ballet company and return to the USA. However, I had an awful family´s health problem. (M)y Dad had a lymphoma tumor in his left leg. According to the first (diagnosis), he nearly underwent surgery (having) to multilate 70% of his hip. Consequently, I decided to stay in Brazil to help my parents and followed every step trying to build up Dad’s confidance. At that time, (Antonio Carlos and I) started to get involved, not missing out on the old flames. Dad got better. (H)e didn’t (have to) undergo surgery and was in good health(.) I told my parents that we had (been)dating in a blissful affair. (At that time, they had decided to give) Antonio Carlos a second chance(.) (M)y parents had (become) enchanted and were fond of him. (Since then,) we got married and have built a gorgeous family with two fantastic boys. On May 2009, we celebrated 15 years together.
Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 4 / 5
Karla, what I appreciated the most about the vocabulary is that you took chances to use a lot of the new words. That was excellent. Some of them were used wrong, but many of them were used correctly, which made you paper be more sophisticated.)
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 4 / 5
Karla, you MUST revise the use of commas in your writing.
Total: 23 / 25
Note: I had promised to double your grade because of the length of your writing.
Total: 46 / 50
I met my husband, Antonio Carlos, through a friend of mine, Kátia, at the age of 14, at a party she had invited me to go. Antonio Carlos was Marcos’s best friend, who at that time, was Kátia’s boyfriend. I still remember myself, hiding in my satin green dress, my bashful smile unable to stare deeply into Antonio Carlos’s eyes.
From time to time, I would catch a glimpse of his fashionable navy blue T-shirt, with the words MARINE SAILING embroiled on it. I could not utter a sound that night so apprehensive I was. I just relaxed when I reached home,for having missed out on the opportunity to chat with such a handsome, well-built guy who reminded me of Tom Selleck in Magnum PI at the time.
I woke up thenext morning, worried about the possibility he would never want to see me again. Fortunately, like moments of matching enchantment, Antonio Carlos dropped in at my place later on but
Mom and Dad were appalled at his visit. We had started to talk in my living room under an over sized lamp, glowing at our faces the whole time. Trying to get over this awkward situation, I turned off the light surreptitiously, hopeful that my mother wouldn´t come back. For our sadness, she turned on the lights, inquiring the reason I hadn´t kept on talking under the over sized lamp glowing on our faces whole time. Also, I wasn’t supposed to be talking a dusky living room with an odd guy such as Antonio Carlos. I knew I had gotten myself into hot water. I stormed out of the room, while Antonio Carlos went back home ashamed.
Two days later, he invited me to go to the movies. In fact, my parents had never let me go out alone with a boy. Because of such novelty, I said to them I would be calling a pal, promising them I would be back before 10 PM. The film finished too late, and Antonio Carlos brought me home at around 11PM. My parents were incensed and banned me from going out in the evening. Then, again, I had no other chance to meet him for a third time. Furthermore, as I finished my studies, I had the wish to become a professional dancer, which required a tough and disciplined life with no party, no food, no friends, almost no life.
After exactly 10 years from our last date, I´d just arrived from the USA from dancing in a ballet company being a long time out of the country. At that point in time, my friend Katia told me Antonio Carlos had also arrived from the USA from doing his MBA in Philadephia. As a magical glimpse, she swayed me to go out all four of us since we hadn’t seen each other for such a long time.
As a matter of fact,I had no hopes of dating him because I had to stick with the ballet company and return to the USA. However, I had an awful family´s health problem. My Dad had a lymphoma tumor in his left leg. According to the first diagnosis, he nearly underwent surgery having to multilate 70% of his hip. Consequently, I decided to stay in Brazil to help my parents and followed every step trying to build up Dad’s confidance. At that time, Antonio Carlos and I started to get involved, not missing out on the old flames. Dad got better. He didn’t have to undergo surgery and was in good health. I told my parents that we had been dating in a blissful affair. At that time, they had decided to give Antonio Carlos a second chance. My parents had become enchanted and were fond of him. Since then, we got married and have built a gorgeous family with two fantastic boys. On May 2009, we celebrated 15 years together.
Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 4 / 5
Karla, what I appreciated the most about the vocabulary is that you took chances to use a lot of the new words. That was excellent. Some of them were used wrong, but many of them were used correctly, which made you paper be more sophisticated.)
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 4 / 5
Karla, you MUST revise the use of commas in your writing.
Total: 23 / 25
Note: I had promised to double your grade because of the length of your writing.
Total: 46 / 50
by rick042570 June 9, 2009 at 1:21 pm edit comment