Mauro #6
May 27, 2009In 1990 when Fernando Collor assumed the presidency, Brazil was in a hyperinflation scenario. On March 16th (Friday) Plano Collor, was implemented. It was known as “confiscation plan”. Under this scenario, March 19th 1990 (Monday) was my first day of the internship program. When I went there, the company’s atmosphere was not good. There was already gossip about demission. It was just my first day and had already comments about demission.
At that day the president of the company did a meeting with all employees in order to clarify the company’s position at that moment.
For me I had no choice. My decision was to do my best despite of the situation.
Plano Collor failed and the economic situation aggravated.
In August, when I went to the company, I observed that there were a lot of people in front of the building, among them my 3 colleagues, internship as me. They sad that many people were dismissed. All the internship was as well. I went to the office, cleaned my desk, took all my particular objects and waited for my boss to call me. I was ready for my dismissal.
He called me and explained that the reorganization was happening in order to face the crises. However, since I demonstrated pro activity, all my tasks were well done, etc. the company counted on me to face that new challenge. I felt fulfilled in that moment.
In an unfriendly environment, I learned the importance of being focused on the work and doing the best. We need to be far from the negative comments despite of the situation. This lesson is valid until now. I am applying just know when I am in a merger process. The company that I work was bought by another.
In 1990(,) when Fernando Collor (took over) the presidency, Brazil was in a hyperinflation scenario. On March 16th(,) Plano Collor was implemented. (In the midst of) this scenario, I (was facing) my first day (in) the internship program (in a company where) the atmosphere was not good (Mauro, as we have been discussing in class, avoid empty words like good and bad and things). There was already (rumors) about (massive lay offs). (On) that day(,) the president of the company (held) a meeting with all employees in order to clarify the company’s position at that moment. (And what was that position?) I had no choice (at the moment) (No choice to do what?). My decision was to do my best despite the situation (And did it mean to do your best? And what was that real situation that you mentioned? Mauro, you have to be careful not to simply TELL your reader what happened but SHOW him what happened.)
Plano Collor failed and (the word AND is killing your language sophistication) the economic situation aggravated. In August, when I (got) to the company, I (noticed) there were a lot of people in front of the building, among them 3 of other interns. They (grunted) that many people (had been laid off), including all of us. (Upon hearing the news,) I went to the office, (cleared) my desk, took all my (personal belongings) and waited for my boss to call me. I was ready for my dismissal. When he called me (to) explain that the reorganization was happening in order to face the crises, (he also told me I would not be getting fired) since I (had) demonstrated (a pro active approach) and all my tasks were well done (or carried out to its highest standards) (What exactly had you done for them to decide to keep you? Again, Mauro, in English, you need to exemplify your ideas in order to provide your reader with a clear scenario of what happened).
(In other words,) the company counted on me to face that new challenge. I felt fulfilled in that moment (SHOW me that fulfillment. “I jumped up and down like an idiot”, “a rush of adrenaline flooded rushing in my veins)”. In an unfriendly environment, I (had) learned the importance of being focused on the work and doing (my) best. (I have learned that) we need to be far from the negative comments despite the situation.
Mauro,
Your paper has potential to be a portofolio paper. What you need to do now is to work on the organization and sophistication of your paper. As far as organization goes, it is very strange for you to start with Plano Collor because by doing so, it seems that your paper will be able Plano Collor. Of course you should mention it, but not as the FOREGROUND of your paper. You could mention it slightly during the paper to justify the bad mood in the company.
As far as language sophistication goes, you need to steer away from common words and try to implement some of the words we have been discussing in class as well as the words you have learned in previous courses
Rick