Karla #5 — Description
May 22, 2009She is 85 years old with brown short hair, brown eyes,angular face,few wrinkles, thin lips, well built and slim. For sure she has more energy than a young woman out of she always strives sewing for helping poor children. People who meet her at first time stick with saying that her age not add up. Therefore this jubilant old lady oozes charm everywhere she goes and nobody can´t take your eyes off her.
She (Who is she?) is 85 with brown short hair, brown eyes, angular face, a few wrinkles, thin lips, well built and slim (body) (Karla, be careful not to simply list adjectives in your description. Remember that MORE is not necessarily BETTER.) For sure, she has more energy than a young woman “out of she always strives sewing for helping poor children” (What do you mean exactly with this sentence?). People who meet her at first (usually says) that her age (does) not add up (Excellent way of putting it and using old vocabulary words
. Therefore, this jubilant old lady oozes charm (very good word choice) everywhere she goes and nobody can´t take your eyes off her (:)).
Karla,
You have done an excellent job towards the end of your paper
Your description gets very vivid and your word choice is very sophisticated 
Rick
A good-looking old lady called Florzinha is 85 with a few wrinkles and slim body. For sure, she has more energy than a young woman. People who meet her at first usually says that her age does not add up. Therefore, this jubilant old lady oozes charm everywhere she goes and nobody can´t take your eyes off her besides all family proud of this enchanted dame.
Original: A good-looking old lady called Florzinha is 85 with a few wrinkles and slim body.
Revised: Florzinha, 85, a good-looking, slim, old lady, has just noticed a few wrinkles on her face.
For sure, she has more energy than a young woman. People who meet her at first usually say that her age does not add up. (In other words), this jubilant old lady oozes charm everywhere she goes and nobody can´t take (his) eyes off her, all family (being very) proud of this enchant(ing) dame.
Hi Karla,
You are certainly getting the hang of it
I am looking forward to reading your paper # 6
Rick
Original: A good-looking old lady called Florzinha is 85 with a few wrinkles and slim body.
Florzinha, 85, a good-looking, slim, old lady, has just noticed a few wrinkles on her face.
For sure, she has more energy than a young woman. People who meet her at first usually say that her age does not add up. In other words, this jubilant old lady oozes charm everywhere she goes and nobody can´t take his eyes off her, all family being very proud of this enchanting dame.
Florzinha, 85, a good-looking, slim, old lady, has just noticed a few wrinkles on her face.
For sure, she has more energy than a young woman. People who meet her at first usually say that her age does not add up. In other words, this jubilant old lady oozes charm everywhere she goes and nobody can´t take his eyes off her, all family being very proud of this enchanting dame.
Florzinha, 85, a good-looking, slim, old lady, has just noticed a few wrinkles on her face. (However), she has more energy than a young woman. People who meet her at first usually say that her age does not add up. In other words, this jubilant old lady oozes charm everywhere she goes, and nobody can´t take his eyes off her, all family being very proud of this enchanting dame.
Very good job, Karla
Florzinha, 85, a good-looking, slim, old lady, has just noticed a few wrinkles on her face. However, she has more energy than a young woman. People who meet her at first usually say that her age does not add up. In other words, this jubilant old lady oozes charm everywhere she goes, and nobody can´t take his eyes off her, all family being very proud of this enchanting dame.
Karla,
This is a very good paper as well. I could give this paper a grade for the portofolio as well, but I prefer to wait and see what you will be able to produce in the longer papers we discuss in class. However, if at the end of the course, you want to submit this one as part of the portofolio, it is ok by me too.
Rick