Mauro #4
May 19, 2009Nowadays, the consuptiom of alcohol by the teens has been increasing, because they are having free access to boozes. This fact has caused a lot of problems to our society. For instance the number of accidents involving teens alcoholized has been increasing, becoming a problem that can be classified as a public health problem.
Nowadays, the consuptiom of alcohol by teens have been increasing (mainly) because they are having free access to booze (It has been increasing by how much? Mauro, in English, when you make a statement like this you have to provide the readers substantial information to sustain your assertions). This fact has caused a lot of problems to our society (Mauro, your explanation is a bit on the short side). For instance(,) the number of accidents involving (drunk) teens has been increasing (by how much? And which is the source you are using to make this statement?), becoming a problem that can be classified as a public health problem. (And what can be done to ameliorate such problem?)
Mauro,
I would like you to work on paper # 4 before our next class meeting.
Rick
Nowadays, the consumption of alcohol by the teens has been increasing at a fast rate. In Brazil, according to the Instituto da Droga e Toxicodependência (IDT), the rate rose from 30% in 2001 to 40% in 2007. In the United States, the use of alcohol is associated with teen’s death: according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, in 2001, the car accidents involving teens was its principal cause. The free access to the booze is one of the mainly cause of this fact.
It is a problem that is not treated with the due attention, mainly because people think that it is not harmful as the other drugs.
For instance the advertising of beer is associated with happiness. It shows health and beautiful people in pleasure moments without any consequence. For the adolescents this is an invitation to initiate to consume alcohol. However, they are more vulnerable for the action of alcohol in their mind, since their brains are still in formation. This fact associated with the inexperience is responsible for the increase of accidents.
As they have free access to the boozes, it is the first step to them become an addictive when adult or even become an addictive of the stronger drugs.
For this reason it is necessary to conscious the population about this issue. The consumption of alcohol by the teens should be controlled and treated more seriously by the authorities and the society in general. It must be considered as a public health problem and treated with the due importance that it deserves.
Nowadays, the consumption of alcohol by the teens has been increasing at a fast rate. In Brazil, according to the Instituto da Droga e Toxicodependência (IDT), the rate (has risen) from 30% in 2001 to 40% in 2007. In the United States, the use of alcohol is associated with teen’s death: according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, in 2001, the car accidents involving teens was its (main) cause.
(Teen access to booze) is a problem that (has not been) treated with due attention, mainly because people think that it is not (as) harmful as the other drugs. For instance, the advertising of beer is associated with happiness. It shows health and beautiful people in pleasure(able) moments without any consequence(s). For the adolescents, this is an invitation to (engage in alcohol consumption). However, they are more vulnerable (to) the action of alcohol in their minds, since their brains are still in formation. This fact, associated with inexperience, is responsible for the increase of accidents. As they have free access to booze, it is the first step (for) them (to) become an addict (as an) adult or even become an addict of stronger drugs (Hummmm, you need facts to support this idea.)
For this reason, it is necessary to (make) the population (aware of) this issue (How?). The consumption of alcohol by the teens should be controlled and treated more seriously by the authorities and by the society in general. It must be considered a public health problem and treated with the importance that it deserves.
Mauro,
Your paper is much better than your original draft. However, I would like you to abandon this topic for a while and work on the other papers your classmates have been working on.
Rick