Karla #4 – Almost Losing My Husband
May 19, 2009It´s Difficult to Handle Chilling News on TV
For instance,a man called Antonio Carlos Sepulveda took a plane to Curitiba at Congonhas Airport at 5 PM that day, as he has traveled a lot, his family rarely know about the information flight.At least he would get a plane as he did many other time to work. Actually he used to call his family unless the plane is on time to tell everything is ok .Therefore he didn´t called his family before take off,one of the member of his family, a sister, listened on tv that a TAM airplane had crushed at that moment at Congonhas Airport and nobody knew if the plane was ready to take off or land.
It´s Difficult to Handle Chilling News on TV
For instance,a man called Antonio Carlos Sepulveda took a plane to Curitiba at Congonhas Airport at 5 PM that day, as he has traveled a lot, his family rarely know about the information flight.At least he would get a plane as he did many other time to work. Actually he used to call his family unless the plane is on time to tell everything is ok .Therefore he didn´t called his family before take off,one of the member of his family, a sister, listened on tv that a TAM airplane had crushed at that moment at Congonhas Airport and nobody knew if the plane was ready to take off or land.Many ideas swirled on theirs minds when the family listed about the tragedy.After a long thirty minutes waiting for a definitly report on the TV news, Antonio Carlos called home to tell that he need to change the plane because there was an accidant happened at the airport but he didn´t know about the real situation.Althogh,his wife tried to explain that horrible fact he couldn´t grasp the her feelingsalso why she cried a lot.
It´s Difficult to Handle Chilling News on TV (Karla, this is not supposed to be a title. It is your topic sentence. Start your paper like this.)
Sometimes it is quite hard to handle chilling news on TV. (Then, here, you would need to EXPLAIN to your reader why it is so hard to handle chilling news on TV at a very general level WITHOUT mentioning what happened to your husband.)
For instance, (here Karla, you must relate your example to chilling news on TV, and not introduce your husband’s name. The reader will not understand why you are telling him about Antonio Carlos and how his story relates to chilling news. You would need to start with something like, “on March, 24th, 2007, while I was watching the local news, I heard of a plane crash going from São Paulo to Curitiba … blah blah blah)
Antonio Carlos Sepulveda, 40 (I am guessing your husband’s age here), (COO of Santos Brasil,) took a plane to Curitiba at Congonhas Airport at 5 PM that day (which day?), as he has traveled a lot, his family rarely know about the information flight.
(I have stopped here. I have to teach. I will be back later.)
At least he would get a plane as he did many other time to work. Actually he used to call his family unless the plane is on time to tell everything is ok .Therefore he didn´t called his family before take off,one of the member of his family, a sister, listened on tv that a TAM airplane had crushed at that moment at Congonhas Airport and nobody knew if the plane was ready to take off or land.Many ideas swirled on theirs minds when the family listed about the tragedy.After a long thirty minutes waiting for a definitly report on the TV news, Antonio Carlos called home to tell that he need to change the plane because there was an accidant happened at the airport but he didn´t know about the real situation.Althogh,his wife tried to explain that horrible fact he couldn´t grasp the her feelingsalso why she cried a lot.
Sometimes it is quite hard to handle chilling news on TV because most of the time peolple have a penchant for being shocked with excruciating feelings.On July,21st,2007 while I was watching the local news,I heard of a plane crash.At that moment,the TV correspondent also people at home didn´t comprehend what had happened,merely obtained the information that was a TAM Airlines plane had an accident.Unfortunately,that fact was quite beyond my grasp.Actually, I worried about Antonio Carlos Sepulveda,45,COO of Santos Brasil, took a palne from São Paulo to Curitiba at Congonhas Airport at 5 PM, on the same day,July,21st,2007. Due to the plenty of work trip he does per month, his family rarely know about his information flight. Therefore many ideas swirled on their minds,
though he used to call his family before the plane take off, unless it is delayed but that day he didn´t called his family before take off.The family were ostensible trying not to dwell an tragedy.Time passed, after 15 minutes waiting a piece of a true information, phone rang, it was Antonio Carlos contacting home telling that his plane hadn´t the permission to take off because of a horrible accidant happened at the airport also he didn´t realize about the real situation because TAm Airlines gave no specifcs details. Neverless, his wife tried to clarify about that horrible fact but he hadn´t clutch her chilling emotions and the reason of her spooked voice.He wouldn´t imagine the horrendous ideas that his family thought they almost lost him.
Sometimes, it is quite hard to handle chilling news on TV because most of the time people have a penchant for being shocked with excruciating (stories). On July 21st 2007, while I was watching the local news, I heard of a plane crash. At that moment, the TV correspondent (were not able to grasp) what had happened, but merely (to) obtain the information that was a TAM Airlines plane had (been involved in) an accident. Unfortunately, that fact was quite beyond my (wildest understanding).
(As a matter of fact,) my husband, Antonio Carlos, (had taken) a plane from São Paulo to Curitiba at Congonhas Airport at 5 PM, (where the accident had happened) on (that) same day. Due to the (large amount) of (business related trips) he does per month, I rarely (get to) know about information (on his) flights. Therefore, many (mind numbing, harrowing) ideas swirled on my mind (excellent sentence).
(To make matters worse,) he used to (always) call me before the plane (would) take off, unless it (got) delayed. However, (on) that day, he hand’t called. My kids and I tried not to dwell (on a possible) tragedy. (As time went by), after 15 minutes waiting (for some) piece of true information, (our) phone rang. (To our relief,) it was Antonio Carlos, (informing us) that his plane hadn´t (gotten) the permission to take off because of a horrible accident at the airport.
(At that time), he (hadn’t) realized (the magnititude of) the real situation because TAM Airlines (had given) no specifcs details (to the people at the airport). (However, facing such horrible fact, I) was unable to hold my emotions. (I clutched my oldest son’s arm as I told my husband we had just thought we had lost him forever.)
Karla,
This paper is going in the right direction. I firmly believe you should abandon all of your previous ones and work on this one for the portofolio.
Rick
Sometimes, it is quite hard to handle chilling news on TV because most of the time people have a penchant for being shocked with excruciating stories. On July 21st 2007, while I was watching the local news, I heard of a plane crash. At that moment, the TV correspondent were not able to grasp what had happened, but merely to obtain the information that was a TAM Airlines plane had been involved in an accident. Unfortunately, that fact was quite beyond my wildest understanding.
As a matter of fact, my husband, Antonio Carlos, had taken a plane from São Paulo to Curitiba at Congonhas Airport at 5 PM, where the accident had happened on that same day. Due to the large amount of business related trips he does per month, I rarely get to know about information on his flights. Therefore, many mind numbing, harrowing ideas swirled on my mind.
To make matters worse, he used to always call me before the plane would take off, unless it got delayed. However, on that day, he hand’t called. My kids and I tried not to dwell on a possible tragedy. As time went by, after 15 minutes waiting for some piece of true information, our phone rang. To our relief, it was Antonio Carlos, informing us that his plane hadn´t gotten the permission to take off because of a horrible accident at the airport.
At that time, he hadn’t realized the magnititude of the real situation because TAM Airlines had given no specifcs details to the people at the airport. However, facing such horrible fact, I was unable to hold my emotions. I clutched my oldest son’s arm as I told my husband we had just thought we had lost him forever.
Sometimes, it is quite hard to handle chilling news on TV because most of the time people have a penchant for being shocked with excruciating stories. On July 21st 2007, while I was watching the local news, I heard of a plane crash. At that moment, the TV correspondent (was) not able to grasp what had happened, but merely to obtain the information that was a TAM Airlines plane had been involved in an accident. Unfortunately, that fact was quite beyond my wildest understanding.
As a matter of fact, my husband, Antonio Carlos, had taken a plane from São Paulo to Curitiba at Congonhas Airport at 5 PM, where the accident had happened on that same day. Due to the large (number) of business-related trips he does per month, I rarely get to know about information on his flights. Therefore, many mind numbing, harrowing ideas swirled on my mind.
To make matters worse, he used to always call me before the plane would take off, unless it got delayed. However, on that day, he hand’t called. My kids and I tried not to dwell on a possible tragedy. As time went by, after 15 minutes waiting for some piece of true information, our phone rang. To our relief, it was Antonio Carlos, informing us that his plane hadn´t gotten the permission to take off because of a horrible accident at the airport.
At that time, he hadn’t realized the magnititude of the real situation because TAM Airlines had given no specific details to the people at the airport. However, facing such horrible fact, I was unable to hold my emotions. I clutched my oldest son’s arm as I told my husband we had just thought we had lost him forever.
Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 5 / 5
Total: 25 / 25
Karla,
I am counting this paper as part of your portofolio.
Sometimes, it is quite hard to handle chilling news on TV because most of the time people have a penchant for being shocked with excruciating stories. On July 21st 2007, while I was watching the local news, I heard of a plane crash. At that moment, the TV correspondent was not able to grasp what had happened, but merely to obtain the information that was a TAM Airlines plane had been involved in an accident. Unfortunately, that fact was quite beyond my wildest understanding.
As a matter of fact, my husband, Antonio Carlos, had taken a plane from São Paulo to Curitiba at Congonhas Airport at 5 PM, where the accident had happened on that same day. Due to the large number of business-related trips he does per month, I rarely get to know about information on his flights. Therefore, many mind numbing, harrowing ideas swirled on my mind.
To make matters worse, he used to always call me before the plane would take off, unless it got delayed. However, on that day, he hand’t called. My kids and I tried not to dwell on a possible tragedy. As time went by, after 15 minutes waiting for some piece of true information, our phone rang. To our relief, it was Antonio Carlos, informing us that his plane hadn´t gotten the permission to take off because of a horrible accident at the airport.
At that time, he hadn’t realized the magnititude of the real situation because TAM Airlines had given no specific details to the people at the airport. However, facing such horrible fact, I was unable to hold my emotions. I clutched my oldest son’s arm as I told my husband we had just thought we had lost him forever.
Karla,
Excellent paper
You should show it to Antonio Carlos 
It is very moving and would show him how much you appreciate him 
Rick
Sometimes, it is quite hard to handle chilling news on TV because most of the time people have a penchant for being shocked with excruciating stories. On July 21st 2007, while I was watching the local news, I heard of a plane crash. At that moment, the TV correspondent was not able to grasp what had happened, but merely to obtain the information that was a TAM Airlines plane had been involved in an accident. Unfortunately, that fact was quite beyond my wildest understanding.
As a matter of fact, my husband, Antonio Carlos, had taken a plane from São Paulo to Curitiba at Congonhas Airport at 5 PM, where the accident had happened on that same day. Due to the large number of business-related trips he does per month, I rarely get to know about information on his flights. Therefore, many mind numbing, harrowing ideas swirled on my mind.
To make matters worse, he used to always call me before the plane would take off, unless it got delayed. However, on that day, he hand’t called. My kids and I tried not to dwell on a possible tragedy. As time went by, after 15 minutes waiting for some piece of true information, our phone rang. To our relief, it was Antonio Carlos, informing us that his plane hadn´t gotten the permission to take off because of a horrible accident at the airport.
At that time, he hadn’t realized the magnititude of the real situation because TAM Airlines had given no specific details to the people at the airport. However, facing such horrible fact, I was unable to hold my emotions. I clutched my oldest son’s arm as I told my husband we had just thought we had lost him forever.
Content: 5 / 5
Structure: 5 / 5
Vocabulary: 5 / 5
Grammar: 5 / 5
Mechanics: 5/ 5
Total: 25 / 25