Mauro #2 – Birth Order
May 13, 2009Birth order influence our personality. As of a novelty, generally the first one receives more attention. Additionally, the parents does not have any experience in how to take care of a child. The acquired experience will be used only to a second child on. Otherwise, for some culture, he will be more demanded, just because he is the oldest. The eldest is considered the one that will continue the family.
I am the eldest of a Japanese family descendant. I considered myself more responsible and independent thanks of the way I was educated.
For instance, when I decided to come to Sao Paulo alone, my father was for. He believed that this fact would be good for me, to make me responsible and independent. His support was very important. In fact, it changed completly my life.
Intentionally or not, cultural reason or not, the parents give different treatment and education to their chilren which influency their future personality and character.
Birth order (influences) our personality (in which ways? If you leave the sentence the way it is, then your reader might accuse you of stating the obvious). (Considered) a novelty, generally the first (child) receives more attention (from whom?). (Mauro, here you would have to explain and give an example of how the oldest child receives more attention than his other siblings.)
Additionally, parents (do) not have any experience (of) how to take care of a child (Here, it seems that you are dealing with another aspect of the topic, which would have to be dealt with in a separate paragraph.) The acquired experience will be used only (from) the second child on (How do you know that?)
(However), for some culture(s), he (he who?) will (feel more pressure), just because he is the oldest (since) the eldest is considered the one that will (carry on the family traditions). (What are you talking about?)
(For instance, )I am the eldest of Japanese descent. I considered myself more responsible and independent thanks (to)the way I was raised (How were you raised? How does the Japanese upbringing differ from other cultures?). For instance, when I decided to come to Sao Paulo alone, my father was (in favor of my decision). He believed that this fact would be good to make me responsible and independent. His support was very important (in which ways?). In fact, it (has) changed (my life) completely.
(In other words), intentionally or not, (culturally) or not, parents give different treatment and education to their chilren which influency their future personality and character.
Mauro,
This paper has a lot of potential to be expanded into a MAURO SOKEI’s paper, whose content reflects YOUR life and YOUR opinions, rather than a overgeneralized paper that remains at the superficial aspects of birth order.
Should you decide to rewrite this paper, I would prefer if you selected a FACET of it and explored it further instead of trying to cover too much ground, maintaining your paper at a level that anyone could have written it.
Rick
Birth order influences the personality of the first child. It occurs due to the way that parents raise them, which is a consequence of the expectation that the oldest should carry on the family’s name and traditions. For the eldest is expected that would be more responsible and prepared to assume this role.
On the other hand, since the oldest grow up in an environment that all the best is directed to him, they tend to be more selfish and have difficulties to accept the others siblings. They consider them as a rival to conquer the attention from their parents.
For instance, I am the oldest son of my family. I have 2 more sisters and 1 brother. I remember that when my sister was born (I was 4 years old) I became very angry, because I thought she was my competitor. My parents said that I was jealous about my
sister.
On the other hand I consider myself more responsible from the others of my siblings thanks to the way I was raised: more demanded, more prepared to face the difficulties of the life. For example, when I decided to come to Sao Paulo alone, my father was in favor of my decision. He believed that this fact would be good to make me more responsible and independent. His support, encouraging me to go and do not give up despite of the difficulties, was very important to keep me in track with my targets. It has changed my life completely.
In other words, intentionally or not, parents give different treatment and education to their children. In fact we can not state that it is correct or not, however, we can say that birth order influences the personality and character of the oldest son.
Birth order influences the personality of the first child. It occurs due to the way that parents raise them, which is a consequence of the expectation that the oldest should carry on the family’s name and traditions. The eldest is expected (to) be more responsible and prepared to (take on)this role. For instance, I consider myself more responsible (than my)siblings thanks to the way I was raised. When I decided to come to Sao Paulo alone, my father was in favor of my decision. He believed that this fact would be good to make me more responsible and independent. His support, encouraging me to go and not give up despite of the difficulties, was very important to keep me (on) track with my targets. It has changed my life completely.
On the other hand, since the oldest (grows) up in an environment that all the best is directed to him, they tend to be more selfish and have difficulties to accept the (presence of the) others siblings. They consider them as a rival (in getting their parents’) attention. For instance, I am the oldest son (in) my family. I have 2 more sisters and 1 brother. I remember that when my sister was born, I was 4 years old. I became very angry, because I thought (of her as) my competitor. My parents said that I was jealous (of)my
sister (in which sense? Here you are TELLING me that you were jealous of your sister and not SHOWING me how this jealousy took place).
In other words, intentionally or not, parents give different treatment and education to their children. In fact(,) we cannot state that it is correct or not. (Instead,) we can say that birth order influences the personality and character of the oldest son.
Mauro,
Remember that in class I have mentioned that the writer is not really supposed to be giving the two sides of the issues. You are supposed to take a stand and to argue only one side.
I would recommend you leave this paper aside for a while and work on the other ones so that you can implement the ideas you learn in class in different papers instead of trying to fix old papers in new structures.
Rick