Karla #3 – Nature X Nurture
May 12, 2009One of the worst problems nowadays it is about violence although people don´t believe in that. Researchers prove that people born to be good unfortunatly enviroment change personality.Children have raised in a distressed world without pattern in families.Parents don´t give attention to children claiming lack of time. The real cause of violence is insidious at socity day by day is acquiring teeth to solve however people don´t believe that people make a choice to be good or bad. Also,parents can lead children showing what is right and wrong,imposing rules giving moral compass with responsability as an educator teaching the best way to grow up.People always point the finger at nature out of that parents pass the reponsability ahead.
One of the worst problems nowadays (relates to) violence although people don´t believe that (Why are you saying that people do not believe in that? I always hear people complaining about how violent São Paulo is. Also, what kind of violence are you referring to?)
Researchers (have proven) that people born good (may) change (their) personality (if they live in an unfortunate environment)(How can you prove that a person is born “good”?). (An example are children (who have been raised) in a distressed world without patterns in (their) families (What do you mean by patterns?). (In these families, parents don´t give attention to (these)children, claiming (it has to do with their) lack of time. (Here you would need to insert a real example to sustain your thoughts.)
The real cause of violence is insidious (in) society (and has been) acquiring teeth. (What is the real cause of violence? Also, this phrase gives an idea that you are dealing with a different aspect of the issue here, which is material that would belong in a separate paragraph.) (However, people don´t believe that people make a choice to be good or bad. (How is this last sentence connected to the previous idea and to this next one?) Also, parents can (give their children guidance) showing what is right and wrong, imposing rules, (and) giving (them) moral compass with responsability as an educator teaching the best way to grow up. People always point the finger at nature out of that parents pass the reponsability ahead.(What do you mean by out of?)
Karla,
Your paper has great ideas but they are all over the place if you look at it from an American standpoint. What I suggest you do is to decide on WHICH aspect of the issue you want to develop in one paragraph. Maybe it would be a good idea for you to abandon this topic and try another one next class, where you can try to organize your thoughts from scratch.
Rick