Laura #2 – Birth Order
May 7, 2009Birth order definitely influences our life adjustment. The eldest child is often more self absorb and bossy then his siblings. They receive all the attention from parents that are learning how to educate a child and not rarely tend to let the first or only child do whatever they want. In this sense, since a very early age, the first child develops a feeling of being the boss of his younger siblings. Pedro Cardillo Moura Neves, my eldest brother, used to prohibited his younger siblings to invade his airspace. That meant no one could try to touch him or anything near him without being severely reprehended. He would always play the ” Because I’m the oldest” card when he wanted something like the better room in the summer house or to be the first to shower after a day at the beach.
Birth order definitely influences our life adjustment. The eldest child is often more self (absorbed) and bossy (than) his siblings. They (usually) receive all the attention from parents that are learning how to educate a child and rarely tend to let the first or only child do whatever they want. (For instance,) Pedro Cardillo Moura Neves, my eldest brother, used to prohibit his younger siblings to invade his airspace. That meant no one could try to touch him or anything near him without being severely reprehended. He would always play the ” Because I’m the oldest” card when he wanted something like the better room in the summer house or to be the first to shower after a day at the beach. (Where is your conclusion? This sentence could really work as your conclusion: “In this sense, since a very early age, the first child develops a feeling of being the boss of his younger siblings.)
Your text is very close to a solid paragraph in English
Birth order definitely influences our life adjustment. The eldest child is often more self absorbed and bossy than his siblings. They usually receive all the attention from parents that are learning how to educate a child and rarely tend to let the first or only child do whatever they want. For instance, Pedro Cardillo Moura Neves, my eldest brother, used to prohibit his younger siblings to invade his airspace. That meant no one could try to touch him or anything near him without being severely reprehended. He would always play the ” Because I’m the oldest” card when he wanted something like the better room in the summer house or to be the first to shower after a day at the beach. In this sense, since a very early age, the first child develops a feeling of being the boss of his younger siblings.
Birth order definitely influences our life adjustment. The eldest child is often more self absorbed and bossy than his siblings. They usually receive all the attention from parents that are learning how to educate a child and rarely tend to let the first or only child do whatever they want. For instance, Pedro Cardillo Moura Neves, my eldest brother, used to prohibit his younger siblings to invade his airspace. That meant no one could try to touch him or anything near him without being severely reprehended. He would always play the ” because I’m the oldest” card when he wanted something like the better (try to avoid the use of empty words like good, bad, better, etc. Try to incorporate richer vocabulary words like larger, cozier, etc) room in the summer house or to be the first to shower after a day at the beach. In this sense, since a very early age, the first child develops a feeling of being the boss of his younger siblings.
Laura,
Structurally speaking, this paragraph is very sound. It follows the American rhetorical style we have been discussing in class. Now, what I would like you to do is to leave this paper sitting for a while and start working on another topic from another paper so that you can start incorporating what you have learned from having written this one.
Rick