Karla #2 – Birth Order
May 7, 2009In order to confirm that birth order doesn´t make any difference at a small family unless there are a lot of children. I used to say that depends on the way that parents raise chikdren.
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In order to claim that birth order doesn´t effect on personality.Genetics effects are stronger. I used to say that it depends on the way that people have raised children. In small family parents have the chance can give more love,attention and moral compass for their children,also can stay closer to them.It is easier to notice bad behavior when parents are closer to their kids.For instance,two siblins with a difference age almost about 8 years, the oldest child is 13,the youngest child is 5, can help each other without being jealous with companion as peers out of parents show they are special,important and unique persons.Although children are in a different age, parents may plan many kind of entertainment to give both a pleasure moment.As a consequence small families lead to children better with best result in life.
Birth order doesn´t effect our personality. Genetic effects are stronger (Karla, you would need to support this assertion with some real examples to illustrate what you think.) I used to say that it (it what?) depends on the way that people have raised their children (What do you mean exactly?)
(Karla, these first two sentences are not working as your topic sentence for your paragraph here, but as material for an introductory paragraph about your topic, which is that in small families, parents have more control over their children.)
In small (families, ) parents have the chance (to) give more love, attention and moral compass (to) their children (as well as) stay closer to them. (Why only in small families?) It is easier to notice (innappropriate) behavior when parents are closer to their kids. For instance, (in a family where) two siblings are (at) 8 years (of) difference (in) age, the oldest child can help the youngest one without being jealous of companion as peers (What do you mean here?) out of parents (What do you mean by out of parents?) show they are special,important and unique people. Although (the) children are different (in)age, parents may plan many kind of entertainment to give both a (pleasurable) moment. As a consequence small families lead to children better with best result in life.
(Your conclusion seems to be different than your topic sentence here.)
Researchers claim that birth order can interfere in children´s behaivior therefore recently research has proved that the oldest child is smarter than the youngest. Parents have distressed about trying to minimize the difference between the first and the second child. For instance, Claudia and Patrick Soares, a couple from Brazil, have two girls, Marcia at 12 and Cristina at 4. Although parents work hard,the girls are raising with quality care. In order to reduce the difference between the kids, parents are trying to give more attention for their kids. People should spend more worth time with children, otherwise the birth order can insidious in kids behaivior.
Researchers claim that birth order can interfere in children´s behavior, proving that the oldest child is smarter than the youngest (one) (Really? I have never come across research that would claim that. I have already seen older children who are much thicker than their younger sibllings. I am wondering what kind of reseacher would publish something like that
Parents have (been) distressed, trying to minimize the difference between the first and the second child (What exactly have these parents been trying to do?). For instance, Claudia and Patrick Soares, a couple from Brazil, have two girls, Marcia at 12 and Cristina at 4 (What exactly have Claudia and Patrick been doing to lessen the differences between their two daughters? Karla, you have to remember that in English, the writer needs to offer excruciating details to sustain what they want to say).
Although (their) parents work hard, the girls are (brought up) with quality care (What do you mean by quality care? And how does this quality care lessen the differences between the two?). In order to reduce the difference between the kids, parents are trying to give more attention (to) their kids (In which form? And how does this extra attention leseen the differences between the two kids if the two kids are receiving more attention?).
People should spend more quality worth time with children(; otherwise,) the birth order can (be) insidious in kids’ behavior (Why? You would have to prove to us that spending more quality time with our kids is what would lessen the differences between them.)
Karla,
This paper is much closer to the model we have been discussing in class. In your previous papers, you were all over the place, offering several ideas that seemed to be disconnected from one another. This paper is a lot more focused and manageable to be written in only one paragraph. You are certainly on the right track.
Rick