Cláudia — Portfolio #2.1

Companies should advertise their products no matter if they are new realeases or old ones in order to increase their sales. Advertizing is the best way to get consumers’ attention to buy the product. Products that are old in the market are well known by the consumer; however, if the company spends sometime without making any advertisement of such a product, the consumer may change to another branch that is investing in ads, showing how eficient their products are.  (You need an example of this idea of renewing old prodcuts.) On the other hand, if a company wants to lauch a new product on the market, the company should be worried about what kind of ads they will design to impress consumers in order to buy their products.  The secret to have profits in a company is to use advertizing to convince people that a product is more efficient and more economic than the other.  According to Joao de Castro, sales director of “OMO”, he says that products that maintain their advertisements are the ones that the company has more profits from. Whenever the company stops investing in advertizing, consumers switch to another branch that advertises more than they do.  Therefore, consumers prefer to use what they call  “the product of the time”.  It doesn’t matter if it is new or old in the market. What matters is that it is in the midia. (Where is your concluding sentence?)

Claudia,

This paper has a lot of potential to become a great essay. However, this assignment is supposed to be only a paragraph. And for this paper to be a paragraph, you can only have ONE major idea. You will have to choose between addressing the issue of OLD products OR NEW ones. Because you decide to keep both, you will need two paragraphs with two topic sentences, two explanations, two examples, and two concluding sentences.

Also, this paper has problems with content. For the old products, you stopped at the explanation part. Where are the example and the concluding sentence?

As far as structure goes, you mentioned in your topic sentence NEW and OLD. But when you started the explanation, you addressed the OLD and then the NEW. You cannot do that. When your thesis or topic sentence present your ideas in a certain order, you MUST address those ideas in THAT order.

As far as vocabulary goes, you also need to use more sophisticated vocabulary words. Most of your words are very simple. Maybe using your old folders from previous courses like Conversation 1 and or Dimensions in Reading should help.

You grammar also needs some brushing up. You have made some very basic grammar errors, most of which were due to lack of attention. I am sure that if you had reread your paper before posting it, you would have corrected many of your mistakes yourself. But another concern is the sophistication of your grammar. Most of your sentences are quite simple (SUBJECT + VERB + COMPLEMENT), and you would need to try more complex grammatical structures such as sentences starting with ALTHOUGH, EVEN THOUGH, etc.

Your mechanics also needed some revision. You have mispelled a couple of simple words due to lack of attention. Maybe you should get into the habit of REREADING your pieces before you submit them for a grade

Content: 3/5

Structure: 3/ 5

Vocabulary: 3/5

Grammar: 3/5

Mechanics: 3/5

 Total Grade: 15/25

Companies should advertise their products, no matter if it is a new realease or an old one, to increase in sales, propaganda is the best way to get consumers atention to buy the product.  Products that are old in the markets are well known by cunsumer, however, if the company spends sometime without making any advertisement about such a product, the consumer may change to another branch that is doing many propagandas showing how eficient they are.  On the other hand, if a company wants to lauch a new product in the markets, the company should be worriend about what kind of propaganda they will make to impress consumers in order to by.  The secret to have profits in a company is to use propaganda to convincing people that a product is more efficient and more economic than the other.  According to Joao de Castro, sales director of “OMO”, he says that products that keep having advertisements are the ones that the company has more profits, whenever the company stops making propaganda, consumers switch to another branch that advertises more than us.  Nevertheless consumers prefer to use what they call  “the product of the time”.  It doesn’t matter if it is new or old in the markets, what matters is that it is in the midia.