For people to achieve full happiness, they need to have a rewarding job, a stable family relationship, and a strong health.
First, people spend most of their time working, and this time has to be spent wisely, no matter if the job is done at an office or at home. What matters is that people that have a respectful position at work may earn a decent income, and happines sometimes is imminent. According to magazine Veja, 85% fo the people who are successful in their jobs live without worring about problems, smilling all the time. Thus, as long as people are in harmony with work, they are happy.
Second, a person’s family is the basis of the person’s pyramid, and having a stable relationship between wife and husband may lead people to forget about minor problems of life, making them enjoy life more easily. Psychologist Andrea Gusmao, who graduated from USP, says that living in an environment with love, where people have support from each other, has brought happines to too many families. (You would need to expand on this paragraph with more details on what Andrea Gusmao has to say. In English, you cannot just mention ideas. You must explore them to its fullest.
Third, people that have weak health are far away from hapiness. It is difficult to be in a good mood with pain. People with a good health are happy just for the fact that they are gifted for not having any disease. Moreover, it is widely understood that people who have a perfect health can enjoy life and have fun all the time. Thus, strong health is a important factor to happyness.
For people to achieve full happiness they need to have a rewarding job, a stable family relationship and a strong healthy.
First, people spend most of their time working and this time have to be spent wisely, it doesn’t matter if the job is done in an office or at home, what matters is that people that have a respectfull position in the work may earn a good income, and the happines sometimes is eminest. According to magazine Veja, 85% fo the people who are well succeded in the company live without worring about problems, smilling all the time. Thus, as soon as people are in harmony with work, they are happy.
Second, family is the base of the pyramid, and having a stable relationship between wife and husband may lead people to forget about minor problems of life, enjoying life easely. Phicologyst Andrea Gusmao graduated at USP says that living in an environment with love, where people have support from each other, has brought happines to too many families.
Third, people that have weak health are far away from hapiness. It is difficult to be in a good mood with pain. People with a good health are happy just for the fact that they are gifted for not having any disease. Moreover, it is widely understood that people who have a perfect health can enjoy life and have fun all the time. Thus, strong health is a important factor to happyness.
Cláudia,
On the two days of the Writing Course, we teachers do not give students feedback for two reasons: everyone gets to turn in late work and the number of compositions for teachers to give feedback to is overwhelming. Second, since it is the end of the course, anyway, there is no reason to provide suggestions for a rewrite since there will be no rewrite. So here are your grades based on the quality of your work.
Content: 4/5
Structure: 5/5
Vocabulary: 3.5/5
Grammar: 3.5/5
Mechanics: 3/5
Total: 19/25
Cláudia,
Although your writing has improved during the semester, this final result is a bit too simplistic as far as content, vocabulary, and grammar go. For you to be able to get a passing grade, your ideas needed to have been deeper, your vocabulary more sophisticated, and your grammar more complex as far as structures go. Also, you have made quite a few spelling and puctuation errors together with word form mistakes.
Rick
Rick
