Lari’s portofolio 3

Parents should not interfere whenever their children are going through financial problems in order to raise independent children that will be able to value money so that they will be able to have better control over their expenses, to build a stronger relationship with their partners as time goes by, and to live own their own when they become adults. 

It is essential that parents teach their kids the importance of money and the difficulty to save it in order to prepare them for real life.  Since they are little children, people need to start learning how to manage their own expenses to always have enough money saved to pay for their bills in the end of month when they are grown ups. If children are not taught to control their expenses due to the fact that whenever they need money their parents  give it to them, they will not know either how crucial it is to have savings, or how hard it is to manage the salary in order to avoid debts. Acoording to a research done in 2006 by the NYC’s Center of Social Behavior with 3700 people, 53.8% of the interviewers claim that the reason why they are responsible adults with good control of their expenses is because their parents have always forced them to solve their financial problems on their own, while 22.1% of the interviewers claim that they had a lot of difficulty to become financially stable due to fact that they were never taught how to manage their expenses or were used to having everything taken care of by their parents. Therefore, for the desire of providing a more stable and more sucessful financial life for their children in the future, parents should teach them how to deal with money.

Parents should not interfere in the financial life of their children in order to raise clildren that can build a stronger and healthier relationship with their partners as time goes by. A relationship is built by two people and not more than that. In other words, for a relationship to thrive, it is essential that all the couple’s problems be solved only by the couple itself, specially the financial ones. Not only that, but both partners’ independence is necessary to avoid some issues  as the difficulties of putting up with a person that cannot solve a thing by him or herself. According to a Jean-Pierre Institute’s research which interviwed  4500 people and published in 2006 in the “Le Monde” newspaper, 89.7% of the married people claim that the fact that their partner is financially dependent on his/her parents makes it very  hard to stand and is the reason for most disagreements and fights. Only 4.3% of married people claim that the fact that their partner is financially dependent on his/her parents is not a big problem and 17.9% of the interviewers claim that they have already broken up with people due to their lack of control in their expenses. Then, parents should not interfere in the financial life of their children in order to raise independent adults that will be able to build a good and stable relationship.

If parents always offer their uncondicional help and protection, keeping their children inside a perfect sugar-coated world, they will raise irresponsible and fearful sons and daughters that will not be able to face obstacles, neither the challenges of life on their own, forever living under the protection of their mom and dad. In fact, my middle brother was a victim of this sick over protection of his mother and was used to having all his financial and professional problems, even the tiniest ones, taken care of by our father. For instance, in the beggining of 2003, my brother was going through a difficult time at work, because he ended up with a lot of debts in the medical center he had built with a partner.  At the end, he turned to my father for help.  My dad paid for all his bills, from water to electricity, for three months.  Today, he is a doctor, married and has a baby boy, but he is completely dependent on my father’s financial support: his apartament was paid off with his father’s cash as well as his car and half of his wife’s car, and currently, my father is helping him build his doctor’s office, since my brother would not be able to make it on his own if it were not for our father’s help. Therefore, parents should not interfere financially in their children’s lives to avoid raising sons and daughters that cannot survive on their own.

Larissa,

Again, your paper is very solid. Your content is very rich (5/5), your structure very American (5/5), and your grammar quite solid (5/5). Also, your vocabulary is quite sophisticated as well (5/5). The major problem in this paper is your mechanics (3/5). There are were a few errors in spelling and puctuation throughout your paper. I have made the corrections, and I would need you to go over them so as to learn from your mistakes.

Total grade = 23/25

Rick

Parents should not interfere whenever their children are going through financial problems in order to raise independent children that will be able to value money so that they will be able to have better control over their expenses, to build a stronger relationship with their partners as time goes by, and to live own their own when they become adults. 

It is essential that parents teach their kids the importance of money and the difficulty to accumulate it in order to prepare them for the real life.  Since they are little children, people need to start learning how to manage their own expenses in order to always have enough money saved to pay their bills in the end of month, when they are grown ups. If children are not taught to control their expances due to the fact that whenever they need money their parents  give it quickly to them, they will not know how necessary it is to have savings nor how hard it is to manage the salary in order to avoid debts. Acoording to a research done in 2006 by the NYC’s Center of Social Behavior with 3700 people, 53.8% of the interviewers claim that the reason why they are responsible adults with good control of their expenses is because their parents have always forced them to solve their financial problems by their own, while 22.1% of the interviewers claim that they had a lot of difficulty to become financially stable due to fact that they were never taught how to manage their expances or were used to have everything taken care of by their parents. Therefore, for the desire of providing a stabler and more sucessful financial life for their children in the future, parents should teach them how to deal with money.

Parents should not interfire in the financial life of their children in order to raise clildren that can build a stronger and healthier relationship with their partners as time goes by. A relationship is built by two people and not more then that or, in other words, for a relationship to thrive it is essencial that all the problems of the couple are solved only by the couple itself, specially the financial problems. Not only that but independence of both partners is necessary to avoid some issues due to the  difficulty of standing a person that cannot solve a thing for herself. According to a Jean-Pierre Institute’s research that interviwed  4500 people and was published in 2006 in the “Le Monde” newspaper, 89.7% of the married people claim that the fact that their partner is still financially dependent of his/her parents is very  hard to stand and is the reason of most of their disagreements and fights, only 4.3% of married people claim that the fact that their partner is financially dependent of his/her parents is not a big problem and 17.9% of the interviewers claim that they have already broke up with people due to their lack of control of expenses. Then, parents should not interfere in the financial life of their children in order to raise independent adults that will be able to build a good and stable relationship.

If parents always offer their uncondicional help and protection keeping their children inside a perfect pink bubble, they will raise irresponsible and fearful sons and daughters that will not be able to face obstacles, neither the challenges of life on their own, forever living under the protection of their mom and dad. In fact, my middle brother was a victim of this sick over protection of his mother and was used to having all his financial and professional problems, even the tiniest ones, taken care of by our father. For instance, in the beggining of 2003, my bother was going through a difficult time at work, because he ended up with a lot of debts in the medical center he had built with a partner.  At the end, he turned to my father for help.  My dad paid for all his bills, from water to electricity, for three months.  Today, he is a doctor, married and has a baby boy, but he is completely dependent on my father’s financial support: his apartament was paid off with his father’s cash as well as his car and half of his wife’s car, and currently, my father is helping him build his doctor’s office, since my brother would not be able to make it on his own if it were not for our father’s help. Therefore, parents should not interfere financially in their children’s lives to avoid raising sons and daughters that cannot survive on their own.

Lucía — Portofolio #1

The use of condoms should be legalized in sinagogues so that diseases and unwanted pregnancy can be prevented. Sometimes when the person is religious, he/she doesn’t use condoms because they don’t want to go against God. However, the use of condoms would prevent pregnancy, and several diseases among others. I have this ortodox teacher that is young, but at the time he got married, he was a real kid, about 20, and he didn’t have much money to afford everything he needed for an independent married couple. He didn’t want to break Tora’s rules, but also didn’t want to have a son. He ended up with a child, he and his wife nearly broke, all because they couldn’t wear condoms. (Yeah, but, were they a happy couple? How do the other orthodox Jews do? Abstain themselves from sex? Lucia, you have to be careful not to oversimplify the issue here.) Therefore, the use of condoms in the Jewish community should be legalized.

Lucia,

Throughout your paper, you mentioned the use of condoms to avoid diseases. However, your example dealt only with pregnancy. In English, if you mention an idea in the topic sentence or explanation of the paper, you must deal with it in details in your example as well. So, you have two choices: you either expand on the idea of diseases as well — which I think is not a good idea; otherwise, your paragraph will be mammoth in size; OR you cut off the idea of diseases completely and deal only the aspect of pregnancy.

Content = 3.5/5

Structure = 4/5

Vocabulary = 3.5/5

Grammar = 4/5

Mechanics = 4/5

 Total Points = 19/25

The use of condoms should be legalized in sinagogues so that deseases and unwanted pregnancy could be prevented. Sometimes when the person is religious he/she doesn’t wear condoms because they don’t want to go against god. However, the use of condoms would prevent a lot of bad things such as pregnancy, deseases among others. I have this ortodox teacher that is young, but at the time he got married he was a real kid, he was about 20 and he didn’t have much money to afford everything he needed for a independent married couple. He didn’t want to break Tora’s rules, but also didn’t want to have a son. He ended up with a child, he and his wife nearly broke, all because they couldn’t wear condoms. Therefore, I think the use of condoms should be legalized.

Fabíola — Portofolio #2

The role of cosmetic surgery in the world we live in today is to help a person fix or bring normalcy to something that is irregular on his or her body. Cosmetic surgery can help people with their self image, which often influences their perception of the world around them. In despite of the difference in age, social or economic status, their (their whose?) common denominator is a deep-seated and persistent dissatisfaction with the way they look at themselves and others. And people’s perception of themselves is reflected in their personality and in the treatment of those they come in contact with. For instance, a 19-year-old boy named André Braga suffered emotional trauma as a child because of the cruelty of his colleagues and the teasing he received at school where children usually make fun of each other. André was born with a protuberant nose, and, since his first day of school, the several nicknames he received never left his mind in peace and every time he heard a new nickname teasing about his nose, it was like a new wound that was opened in his heart. They’d call out, ‘Is that a nose or a hose? ” And the mockery was so frustrating to him that his mother needed to look for some physiological assistance to help him overcame and endure his daily routine until he reached the minimum acceptable age to undergo a corrective surgery. Only some days after his 18th birthday did Andre undergo surgery, and as a friend, I would say that after that, he was born again. (Again, in which sense? Be careful with the show and tell. In English, the writer cannot simply inform the reader of a new fact. He or she has the obligation of expanding on the idea further; otherwise, it is better not to mention anything at all.) He told me that there was no price for not being afraid of being teased anymore. The surgery really helped improve Andre’s psychological outlook in life. Before the surgery, he used to say that when he looked in the mirror, he didn’t see what he was actually seeing, only what they were saying about him; and now, he just sees the sparkle on his face reflected in the mirror. In this case, cosmetic surgery greatly benefited the patient’s emotional state. Being accepted by one’s peers is sometimes the most important and consuming factor of a person’s life. Therefore, the role of cosmetic surgery in the world we live in today is without any doubt to enhance people’s self-esteem and help one feel more outgoing and relaxed by fixing or bringing to normalcy something that is irregular in the body.

Fabíola,

This paper is a bit longer than the usual paragraph, but then again, there is no such a thing as limit to the number of words a person can use, or how many sentences a paragraph should have. Your text stands on its own as far as many of the categories we are looking at goes. Content = 5/5; Structure = 5/5; Vocabulary 5/5; Grammar = 4.5/5; Mechanics = 4.5/5. Total points = 24/25              

The role of cosmetic surgery in the world we live today is to help one to fix or bring to normalcy something that is irregular on the body, such as a huge nose. Cosmetic surgery can help people with the image effort which often influences one’s perception of the world around them. In despite of the difference in age, social or economic status, their common denominator is a deep-seated and persistent dissatisfaction with the way they look to themselves and others. And one’s perception of themselves is reflected in their personality and treatment of those they come in contact with. For instance, a 19-year-old boy named André Braga suffered emotional trauma as a child because of the cruelty of his colleagues and the teasing he received at school where children usually make fun of each other. André was born with a huge nose and since his first day of school the several nicknames he received have never left his mind in peace and every time he heard a new nickname teasing about his nose was like a new wound that was opened in his heart. They’d call out, ‘Is that a nose or a hose? And it was so frustrating that his mother needed to look for some physiological assistance to help him to overcame and endure the daily routine surrounded by his friends until he have reached the minimum acceptable age to undergo a corrective surgery. Only some days after his 18th birthday Andre underwent a surgery, and as a friend I would say that after that he was born again. He spoke to me that there was no price for not to be afraid of being teased anymore. The surgery really helped to improve Andre’s psychological outlook on life. Before the surgery he used to say that when he looked in the mirror, he didn’t see what he was actually seeing, only what they were saying about him and now he just see the sparkle on his face that is reflected in the mirror. In this case, cosmetic surgery greatly benefited the patient emotional state. Being accepted by one’s peers is sometimes the most important and consuming factor of a person’s life. Therefore, the role of cosmetic surgery in the world we live today is without any doubt to enhance self-esteem and help one feel more outgoing and relaxed by fixing or bringing to normalcy something that is irregular on the body.             

Fabiola — Thesis #3

The role of cosmetic surgery in the world we live today is to benefit both young and old people psychologically, physically and emotionally.

Ok, Fabíola. This thesis statement will work