Lucía — Portofolio #1

The use of condoms should be legalized in sinagogues so that diseases and unwanted pregnancy can be prevented. Sometimes when the person is religious, he/she doesn’t use condoms because they don’t want to go against God. However, the use of condoms would prevent pregnancy, and several diseases among others. I have this ortodox teacher that is young, but at the time he got married, he was a real kid, about 20, and he didn’t have much money to afford everything he needed for an independent married couple. He didn’t want to break Tora’s rules, but also didn’t want to have a son. He ended up with a child, he and his wife nearly broke, all because they couldn’t wear condoms. (Yeah, but, were they a happy couple? How do the other orthodox Jews do? Abstain themselves from sex? Lucia, you have to be careful not to oversimplify the issue here.) Therefore, the use of condoms in the Jewish community should be legalized.

Lucia,

Throughout your paper, you mentioned the use of condoms to avoid diseases. However, your example dealt only with pregnancy. In English, if you mention an idea in the topic sentence or explanation of the paper, you must deal with it in details in your example as well. So, you have two choices: you either expand on the idea of diseases as well — which I think is not a good idea; otherwise, your paragraph will be mammoth in size; OR you cut off the idea of diseases completely and deal only the aspect of pregnancy.

Content = 3.5/5

Structure = 4/5

Vocabulary = 3.5/5

Grammar = 4/5

Mechanics = 4/5

 Total Points = 19/25

The use of condoms should be legalized in sinagogues so that deseases and unwanted pregnancy could be prevented. Sometimes when the person is religious he/she doesn’t wear condoms because they don’t want to go against god. However, the use of condoms would prevent a lot of bad things such as pregnancy, deseases among others. I have this ortodox teacher that is young, but at the time he got married he was a real kid, he was about 20 and he didn’t have much money to afford everything he needed for a independent married couple. He didn’t want to break Tora’s rules, but also didn’t want to have a son. He ended up with a child, he and his wife nearly broke, all because they couldn’t wear condoms. Therefore, I think the use of condoms should be legalized.