Lucía — Portofolio #2

The O.C is an amazing sitcom because it shows not only superficial things related to money, like clothes, cars, among other, but also reality that is lived by people that live in less afortunate cities. In the beginning, it may seem that the sitcom is all about wealthy, gorgeous and perfect people, but that’s not was it’s all about since it also shows the reality that people from dangerous and poor cities have to go though. In fact, one of the main characters, Ryan is born in one of those poor, poluted and gloomy places, . Of course, the program shows scenes where Marissa and Summer, the rich, hot and spoiled girls are bad-tempered and the only solution to that seems to be shopping at the most expensive stores, but it also shows poverty and violence like in episode 2 where Ryan, the poor guy goes back to the house where he was abandoned by his mother and have flashbacks of his stepfather hitting him while drunk when he was only 8 years old, or how in front of his eyes her mother was raped. Even in Newport Beach where they’re all rich and seem to have perfect lives  Sometimes, the rich get drunk or high which are things that aren’t expected from that high social class. Therefore, I think The O.C is an stunning show.

The O.C is an amazing sitcom because it shows not only superficial things (What do you mean by things? Lucia, you should avoid the use of abstract words like that because your ideas must always be clear to your reader.) but also reality (What do you mean by in reality?) In the beginning, it may seem that the sitcom is all about wealthy, gorgeous and perfect people, but that’s not was it’s all about since it also shows the reality that people from dangerous and poor cities have to go though. In fact, one of the main characters is born in one of those places (What kind of places are you talking about?) . Of course, the program shows scenes where Marissa and Summer (Who are these people?) are bad-tempered and the only solution to that seems to be shopping at the most expensive stores, but it also shows poverty and violence like in episode 2 where Ryan (Who is he? Remember that in writing, the writer should always carry the reader along by assuming that the general reader does not watch the show and does not know what you are trying to get across.) goes back to the house where he was abandoned by his mother and have flashbacks of his stepfather hitting him while drunk when he was only 8 years old, or how in front of his eyes her mother was raped, even in Newport Beach where they’re all rich and seem to have perfect lives (Careful not to write sentences that are kilometric long so that your reader does not get lost reading them.) Sometimes, they (They who?) get drunk or high and do things (which things?) that aren’t expected from that high social class (Again, you are being too vague, Lucia). Therefore, I think The O.C is an stunning show.

Lucia,

This is the first time I have taken a look at this paper, and I don’t really feel comfortable assigning you a grade yet because you did not have the chance of working on it a second time around. You have until tomorrow at 5:00 p.m. to rewrite the piece following my comments so that you can get a deserving grade, OK? If you make no changes until then, I will assign you the grade that this paper deserves right now.

Rick

Content: 3/5

Structure: 3/5

Vocabulary: 3/5

Grammar: 3/5

Mechanics: 3/5

Total: 15/25

The O.C is an amazing sitcom because it shows not only superficial things but also reality. At the beginning it may seem that it is all about wealthy, gorgeous and perfect people, but that’s not was it’s all about it also shows the reality that people from dangerous and poor cities have to go though, in fact one of the main characters is born in one of that places. Of course it shows scenes where Marissa and Summer are bad-tempered and the only solution to that seems to be shopping at the most expensive stores but it also shows poverty and violence like in episode 2 where Ryan goes back to the house where he was abandoned by his mother and have flashbacks of his stepfather hitting him while drunk when he was only 8 years old, or how in front of his eyes her mother was raped, even in Newport Beach where they’re all rich and seem to have perfect lives sometimes they get drunk or high and do things that aren’t expected from that high social class. Therefore, I think The O.C is an stunning show.