Cláudia — Portofolio #2

Cell phones have brought about many positive changes in terms of saving time in people’s lives.  There was a time that people had to walk to places to be able to talk using a public phone; however, today we have the opportunity to communicate using a mobile;  in other words, people don’t have to be indoors to talk to someone, saving time.  I have such a disappointing example to mention that happened in my family. (Claudia, you cannot talk directly to your reader like that. Instead, simply start narrating the event in your text.)  For instance, when I went to visit my grandmother on Christmas Eve, she was healthy after I gave her a gift. However, when I got home after having filled up the tank of my car, my grandfather had called my brother to tell him that my grandmother was feeling sick. (Why would he call your brother? Were you with your brother at the moment? These scattered pieces of information are a little misleading to the reader.) I went to his house and took her to the hospital, but it was too late, she couldn’t resist the heart attack and died.  I still think that if I had my mobile on me, I could have saved some time to be able to save my grandmother’s life.  Therefore, modern thechnology has improved a lot people’s life.

Claúdia,

 Structurally speaking, your paper is very sound. However, I am having a hard time finding the semantic connection between your example and the rest of the paragraph. Here are your grades: Content = 2/5; Structure = 4/5; Vocabulary = 3/5 ( too basic); Grammar = 3/5 (too basic), Mechanics= 4/5. Total points = 16/25

Modern technology, such as mobile phones have brought about many positives changes in terms of saving time  in people’s life.  There was a time that people had to reach a  phisical place in order to have a telephone to talk; however, today we have the opportunity to talk using a mobile phone, in other words, people don’t have to be indoors to talk to someone, saving people’s time.  I have such a desappointing example to mention that happened in my family,  I went to visit my grandmother on Christmas Eve, she was healthy when I left her home after giving her a gift, then I went to put gas in my car, and when I got home, my grandfather called my brother to tell that my grandmother was feeling sick. I went to his house and took her to the hospital, but it was too late, she couldn’t resist the heart attack and died.  I still think that if I had my mobile with me I could have saved some time to save my grandmother’s life.  Therefore, modern thechnology has improved a lot people’s life.