Christiano — Portofolio #3

Content = 5/5

Structure = 5/5

Vocabualary = 5/5

Grammar = 5/5

Mechanics = 4/5

Total Grade = 24 /25 

  The subway extension in Sao Paulo has to be built as soon as possible by the local government or through private funding so as to decrease the car traffic, improve the air quality, and provide a more effective public transportation to the Brazilian population.  

   If Sao Paulo had more subways extensions, there would be less cars on the streets, generating less traffic. If Sao Paulo had a wider range of subway extensions and an easy access to them, people would leave their cars at home. Sao Paulo is a city of 30 million people with a large territorial extension, but holds only 65 kilometers of subway lines, according to Companhia Metropolitana. It’s less than one station by neighborhood. In London, for instance, the subway extension is 450 kilometers, based on London Underground reports. This small extension in Sao Paulo is forcing population to take buses or cars to go to work or to their leisure time. Due to this, the number of cars is increasing, causing much more traffic in the city, creating a vicious circle: no subways, more cars, more traffic. Therefore, Sao Paulo subway extensions will encourage people to leave their cars at home, generating much less traffic.

   Second, too many cars on the streets end up causing a lot of air pollution in the city. Ther are more than 15 million cars on the streets in Sao Paulo, based on the last DETRAN report. This is something like 1 car for each 2 people. This ratio is amazing. These cars are living huge quantities of CO2 in the atmosphere, which is a very polluting gas, contributing to worst levels of air quality and generating some breathing disorders in part of the population. The subway’s source of energy is eletricity. There is no emission of polluting gases. Thus, by increasing subway lines, the government will be helping the environment too.

   Finally, the subway can turn into an efficient replacement of the use of cars in the city of Sao Paulo. With no unexpected brakes, traffic lights and with a huge accuracy level in the estimated time between starting and arriving point, subway can serve as the solution to the chaos Sao Paulo’s transportation is in today. Time is something valuable nowadays. Taking public transportations knowing exactly how long the journey will be is almost bliss (or blessing). There will be  no rain, no traffic and no possible violence at the traffic lights to bother the population anymore. Even a person who lives far away from work will schedule his life and will have a better life quality. The subway extensions can significantly improve the Brazilian’s population way of life.                                                    

  The subway extension in Sao Paulo has to be built as soon as possible by the local government or through private funding so as to decrease the car traffic, improve the air quality and provide a more effective public transportation to the Brazilian population.  

   If Sao Paulo had more subways extensions, there would be less cars in the streets, generating less traffic. If Sao Paulo had a wider range of subway extensions and an easy access to them, people would leave their cars at home. Sao Paulo is a city of 30 million people with a large territorial extension, but holds only 65 kilometers of subway lines, according to Companhia Metropolitana. It’s less than one station by neighborhood. In London, for instance, the subway extension is 450 kilometers, based on London Underground reports. This small extension in Sao Paulo is forcing population to take buses or cars to go to work or to their leisure time. Due to this, the number of cars is increasing, causing much more traffic in the city, creating a vicious circle: no subways ,more cars, more traffic. Therefore, Sao Paulo subway extensions will encourage people to leave their cars at home, generating much less traffic.

   Second, to many cars in the streets end up causing a lot of air pollution in the city. Ther are more than 15 million cars on the streets in Sao Paulo, based on the last DETRAN report. this is something like 1 car for each 2 people. This ratio is amazing. These cars are living huge quantities of CO2 in the atmosphere, which is a very polluting gas, contributing to worst levels of air quality and generating some breathing disordes in part of population. The subway’s source of energy is eletricity. There is no emission og polluting gases. Thus, by increasing subway lines, the government will be helping the environment too.

   Finally, the subway can turn into an efficient replacement of the use of cars in the city of Sao Paulo. With no unexpected brakes, traffic lights and with a huge accuracy level in the estimated time between starting and arriving point, subway can serve as the solution to the chaos Sao Paulo’s transportation is in today. Time is something valuable nowadays. Taking public transportations knowing exactly how long the journey will be is almost a bless. There will be  no rain, no traffic and no possible violence at the traffic lights to botter the population anymore. Even a person who lives far away from work will schedule his life and will have a better life quality. The subway extensions can significantly improve the Brazilian’s population way of life.                                                                                 

The subway system extension in Sao Paulo has to be built as soon as possible by the local government or through private funding so as to decrease the car traffic, improve the air quality, and provide a more effective public transportation to the Brazilian population.   

(Where is your topic sentence only about traffic?) If Sao Paulo had a wider range of subway stations and an easy access to them, people would leave their cars at home. Sao Paulo is a city of 30 million people with a large territorial extension, but holds only 65 kilometers of subway lines, according to Companhia Metropolitana. It’s less than one station by neighborhood. In London, for instance, the subway extension is 450 kilometers, based on London Underground reports. This small extension in Sao Paulo subway is forcing population to take buses or cars to go to work or to spend their free time. Due to this, the number of cars is increasing, causing much more traffic in the city, creating a vicious circle: no subway, more cars, more traffic. (Cristiano, only now, at the end of the paragraph, you mentioned the idea of traffic. You need to have started this paragraph addressing the issue of traffic.)  Therefore, Sao Paulo subway extension will encourage people to leave their cars at home, generating much less traffic.   

Second, too many cars on the streets end up causing a lot of air pollution in the city. There are more than 15 million cars on the streets in Sao Paulo based on the last DETRAN report. This is something like 1 car for each 2 people. This ratio is amazing0. These cars are living huge quantities of CO2 in the atmosphere, which is a very polluting gas, contributing to worst levels of air quality and generating some breathing disorders in part of the population. The subways’ source of energy is the eletricity. There is no emission of polluting gases. Thus , by increasing subway lines, the government will be helping the environment too.

Finally, the subway can turn into an efficent replacement of the use of cars in the city of São Paulo. (This could work as a topic sentence for your third paragraph.) With no unexpected brakes, without traffic lights and with a high level of accuracy in the estimated time between starting and arriving point, subway can serve as the solution to the chaos São Paulo’s transportation is in today. Time is something valuable nowadays. Taking public transportation knowing exactly how long the journey will be is almost a bless. There will be no rain, no traffic, and no possibe violence at the traffic lights to bother the population anymore. Even a person who lives far away from work will schedule his life and will have a better life quality. Concluding, subways extensions can significantly improve the Brazilian`s population way of life.

Cristiano,

There were some structural problems in your text so I decide to show you the changes and not assign you a grade. Also, your individual paragraphs are a bit on the shorter side. You would have to expand both on your explanation and examples to offer something more solid to your reader.

Rick

The subway system extension in Sao Paulo has to be done as soon as possible by the local government or through private funding in order to decrease the car traffic, improve the air quality, and provide a more effective public transportation to the Brazilian population.   If Sao Paulo had a lot of subways stations and an easy access to them, people would live their cars at home. Sao Paulo is a 30 million people city with a large territorial extension but with just 65 kilometers of subway lines, according to Companhia Metropolitana. It’s less than one by neighborhood. In London, for instance, the subway extension is 450 kilometers, based on London Underground reports. This small extension in Sao Paulo subway is forcing population to take buses or cars to go to work or to spend their free time. Due to this, the car’s numbers are increasing, ending to a much more traffic in the city, creating a vicious circle: no subway, more cars, more traffic. Therefore, Sao Paulo subway extension will encourage people to leave their cars at home, generating much less traffic.   Second, too many cars in the streets ending up a lot of air polution in the city. There are more 15 million cars in the strees in Sao Paulo, based on the last DETRAN report. This is something like 1 car by each 2 persons. It’s an amazing ratio. This cars are living huge quantities of CO2 an atmosphere, which is a very poluting gas, contributing to worst levels of air quality and generating some breathing disorders in part of population. The subways’ source of energy is the eletricity. There is no emission of poluting gases. Increasing subway lines government will be helping the environment too. Finally, with no unexpected brakes, without traffic lights and with a high level of accuracy in the estimated time between starting and arriving point, subway is the more effective public transportation available. Time is something valuable nowadays. Taking a public transportation knowing exactly how lenght will be the journey is almost a bless. There will be no rain, no traffic, no possibe violence in the traffic lights. Even a person who lives far away from work will schedule his life and will have a better life quality. Concluding, subways extensions are mandatory to a better Brazilian`s population way of living.