André — Portfolio #2

Nowadays, people are much more concerned about beauty than they used to be (Why do you think that happens? What causes it?) People are trying to stay beautiful in every way in all ages (You need to provide a more specific statement that this overgeneralized idea here). Young or older people spend their time taking care of their looks. (Again, André, this idea is too vague, too obvious to be offered as a debateable argument to the general reader.) Consequently, the beauty industry has grown a lot in the past few years (by how much?), and so did medicine (medicine in which sense?). Doctors have figured out a lot of ways (ways of what and to do what?) and surgeries to help their patients with their problems (which problems?) and today, even more people are paying to be operated so that they feel more beautiful and secure (Careful not to state the obvious.) My sister for example, she is just 22 years old, and has already undergone a lot of medical procedures to have her skin cleaned, her hair shinier, her breasts bigger, and a lot of other stuff (Avoid the use of vague words like STUFF, THINGS). In the past, people didn´t use to have a lot of options with advanced technology and easy-to-perform operations. Although most treatments are expensive and only a few people have acess to them, the number of people interested in cosmetic surgeries is growing nowadays. (André, isn’t your paragraph about people being concerned about beauty? Remember that your concluding sentence should reflect your topic sentence.)

André,

Honestly, I am really concerned about the level of the work you have been producing in class. Your text sound a lot like the text the other students produce in the second or third week of classes. That has to do with the fact that you have been absent from a lot of classes and the number of hours that you actually received feedback from me is equivalent of about four hours of instruction.

Writing is all about building. You build knowledge as you write and make mistakes. In your revisions, you see how unclear and innappropriate your previous writing was and then start producing better quality material.

Unfortunately, it is way too late for you to catch up since we have got only three more days of instruction. In Dimensions in Reading, you were able to get by, missing virtually half of our classes because you were able to read the texts at home and study the words on your own. In this course, however, it is a different scenario. I haven’t been able to see your progress because you did not publish anything from the get to. I had to grade your first portofolio piece by reading it for the first time. How am I supposed to assess your progress? Maybe we should talk in more details next class — if you come to it

Rick

Nowadays, people are much more concern in beauty then they used to be. People are trying to stay beauty in every way in all ages. Young or even older people are spending their time in order to take care with their looks. Consequently, the beauty industry grew a lot in the past few years, so does medicine. Doctors figured out a lot of ways and surgeries to help their patients with their problems and today, even more people are paying to be operated in order to feel more beautiful and secure. My sister for example, she is just 22 years old and had done a lot of medical procedures to have her skin clenear, her hair shiny, her breasts bigger, and a lot of other stuff. Formerly, people didn´t use to have a lot of options with great technologie and easy operations. Although most of treatments are expensive and only a few people have acess to them, the nunber of people interested in cosmetic surgeries is growing nowadays.