Amay — Portofolio #2

Sex education should be mandatory in public and private schools in order to prevent the boost of STDs. Everyone knows (EVERYONE? Be careful not to overgeneralize your ideas. Try just “people know that …” or ” most poeple know that …”) that dealing with STDs is a very polemic topic (Be careful not to remain in the obvious level. Don’t tell people that the sky is blue when they can clearly see that the sky is blue.) and it should be taken seriously by the goverment in order to decrease the number of infected people. This number (which number? remember that in English, providing REAL numbers and statistics from reliable sources will only strengthen your arguments) will keep growing unless the goverment does somenthing to revert this situation, and one way to reverse it is by including in both public and private schools class schedules at least two sex education classes per week to inform students of the importance of the use of condoms and pills to teens’ life and health. These classes should alert students of how STDs can become a big and dangerous problem with many negative effects. Also, another way to help increase the number of campaigns to stop this steady growth so that people can have more information before doing anything that they might regret later (Hummm, this sentence does not make much sense. Reread it and see if you can determine what you are trying to say.) The worst kind of STD(Aids), which is becoming more common in our society, will deteriorate the person’s immune system and may lead to death, and still there are some people who don’t know about it (Again, Amay, you are sort of remaining on a general level, stating what your readers probably already know. The purpose of writing should always be of offering a new way of looking at reality so that your views can enlighten and add something new to your readers. Stating the obvious simply demeans your readers and they end up resenting having to read something that they already know.) However, the worst cases are those people who know and act like it will never happen to them. Those are a few reasons why sex education should be mandatory in both public and private schools.

Amay,

Since I had to make too many comments throughout your paper, I believe it is not ready for a grade. I am giving you the option of rewriting this piece, or to start a brand new topic since the modifications you will have to make on this issue will lead you to a total different paper than this one anyway. Your homework this weekend is to submit another paragraph for me to grade (Portofolio # 2)

Rick

Sex education should be mandatory in public and private schools in order to prevent the boost of STDs. Everyone knows that dealing with STDs is a very polemic topic and it should be taken serious by the goverment in order to decrease the number of infected people. This number will keep growing unless the goverment do somenthing to convert this situation. One way to reverse it, is including in both, public and private schools class schedule, at least two classes per week to tell the students how important the use of condoms and pills are to a teens life and health. This classes should alert them how STDs can become a big and dangerous problem with many negative effects. Also, another way to help increasing the number of campains to stop this growth, so that people can have more informations before doing anything that they might regret later. The worst kind of STD(Aids), which is becoming more common in our society, will deteriorate the person’s immune system and may lead to death, and still there are some people who doesn’t know about it. However, the worst cases are those people who know and act like it will never happen to them. That’s a few reasons why sex education should be mandatory in both public and private schools.