Vanessa — Santa Claus

Parents made children believe that Santa Clause exists. (Your topic sentence needs to be a controversial one because that is what you are promising your reader you will discuss in your paragraph.) Most parents lie to their children about Santa Claus, telling them that this character really exists (Is it a good or a bad idea? Maybe your topic sentence can come out of this idea), and because of that, they (Who? the parents or their kids?) need to have  good behavior over the year to receive a present from of Santa. When children discover that Santa does not exist, the children start to be really disappointed and sad. Most children remenber the day that they discovered that Santa was a fake. When they discover (You are repeating the same thought too many times here. Try to avoid the use of the same vocabulary word more than twice in the text.)  most of them realize that their parents are not perfect because they lie to people, even to their own children. Gustavo Elias Khouri, for instance,  was about 9 years old when he discouver (same word) that Santa was a fake. (same word) It was on a Christmans eve that Gustavo discouvered that Santa did not exist. (same idea) It was almost midnight and his mother told him to sleep because the next day when he woke up, he would unwrap the present that Santa had left to him under the Christams tree. Gustavo went to bed, but he could not sleep. He was very anxious, trying to guees what present Santa would leave him. So (this connector is too informal) he decided to go downstairs to talk to his mother, to tell her that he could not go to sleep. It was at that moment that he saw his mother putting  a very huge package under the tree that had his name on it. Gustavo realized what was happening very quickly(Your sentences tend to get too big, Vanessa. Maybe it is a good idea to break some of them down into two as I am doing here). At first, he felt betrayed, and next, he started crying and he could not help himself. It was on that day that Gustavo discouver (same word) that his parents are a human beings. that they make mistakes, and that they have been lying to him for a long time. (How did this realization shape Gustavo’s relationship with his parents and changed his ideas on lying to other people?) Trying to make their children happier, parents lie to their children and they end up hurting their children feelings. (You are missing the concluding sentence here because you need to rework the topic sentence.)

Parents made children believe that Santa Clause exists.Most of the parents lie to their children about Santa Claus, telling them that this charater really exists and, because of that they need to have a good behavior over the year to receive a present of Santa .When children discouver that Santa does not exist, the children start to be really disapointed and sad.Most of the children remenber the day that they discouver that Santa was a fake.When they discouver most of them realize that their parents are not perfect because they lie to people, they lied about this for their own children.Gustavo Elias Khouri was about 9 years old when he discouver that Santa was a fake.It was on a Christmans eve that Gustavo discouvered that Santa did not exist.It was almost midnight and his mother told him to sleep because on the next day when he wake up he will unwrap the present that Santa left to him under the Christams tree. Gustavo went to bed, but he could not sleep, he was very anxious about trying to guees what present Santa will leave to him.So he decided to go downstairs to talk to his mother that he could not sleep, it was on that moment that he saw his mother putting under the tree a very huge package that had  his name on it.Gustavo realized what was happenig very quickley, at first he felt betrayed and next he started crying and he could not stop doing that.It was on that they that Gustavo discouver that his parents are a human being they make mistakes, they have lied for a long time to him.Trying to make their children more happy, parents lie to their children and they end up hurting their children feelings.

Parents made children believe that Santa Clause exists. (Your topic sentence needs to be a controversial one because that is what you are promising your reader you will discuss in your paragraph.) Most parents lie to their children about Santa Claus, telling them that this character really exists (Is it a good or a bad idea? Maybe your topic sentence can come out of this idea), and because of that, kids need to have  good behavior over the year to receive a present from Santa. When children discover that Santa does not exist, the children start to be really disappointed and sad. Most children remenber the day that they discovered that Santa was a fake. When they discover (You are repeating the same thought too many times here. Try to avoid the use of the same vocabulary word more than twice in the text.)  most of them realize that their parents are not perfect because they lie to people, even to their own children. Gustavo Elias Khouri, for instance,  was about 9 years old when he discouver (same word) that Santa was a fake. (same word) It was on a Christmans eve that Gustavo discouvered that Santa did not exist. (same idea) It was almost midnight and his mother told him to sleep because the next day when he woke up, he would unwrap the present that Santa had left to him under the Christams tree. Gustavo went to bed, but he could not sleep. He was very anxious, trying to guees what present Santa would leave him. So (this connector is too informal) he decided to go downstairs to talk to his mother, to tell her that he could not go to sleep. It was at that moment that he saw his mother putting  a very huge package under the tree that had his name on it. Gustavo realized what was happening very quickly(Your sentences tend to get too big, Vanessa. Maybe it is a good idea to break some of them down into two as I am doing here). At first, he felt betrayed, and next, he started crying and he could not help himself. It was on that day that Gustavo discouver (same word) that his parents are a human beings. that they make mistakes, and that they have been lying to him for a long time. (How did this realization shape Gustavo’s relationship with his parents and changed his ideas on lying to other people?) Trying to make their children happier, parents lie to their children and they end up hurting their children feelings. (You are missing the concluding sentence here because you need to rework the topic sentence.)